Regrets...

Regrets. Don’t you agree it’s inevitable, that sometimes, somewhere in our lives, there happen things that we wished wouldn’t have happened...or wished that we could have done something about it? After it became just a memory, we wished we could just forget bout it...hide it at the back of our mind so that we won’t recall it again. But that’s where it’ll stay. Regrets will always be at the back of your mind, making you remember...making you regret them all your life. And today, it happened to me again. Don’t know why, but I keep regretting things I have done...or rather, I should have done...

Keith invited us to his house for BBQ…think it’s some kind of farewell party coz he’s flying back to England on Monday. As my parents don’t know where Keith’s house is, I decided to go to Yong Chen’s place first coz Jem’s coming to pick him up later anyway. On the way, me and my family stopped by Skudai Parade for some minor shopping. Just as my father drove the car out onto the main road after our shopping, I noticed a familiar guy walking with an Indian friend. That guy was Sin Qing Sheng (it sounded something like this…). And so I told my parents that was my friend. Then they told me to go to him and chat for a while but I refused. But they kept urging me to talk to him at least for a while but I still did not budge. They seem to be over-enthusiastic about him that my mother even asked them if we could give them a lift. All the while I just kept quiet in the back seat of the car...I didn’t even look at him while my mom called out to him and his friend...

You know why I refused to talk to him? Not because I shouldn’t, or couldn’t. It’s because I was ashamed to see him...

Flashback...
We first knew each other in Form 2. He was in 2F(?) while I was in 2C. You see, both our classes join for Moral lessons. And it so happened that he sat near me so I sort of got to know him. Unfortunately for him, he also sat near to Yohannes and his gang...who are all my friends too. Being the practical joker he is, Yohannes always kacau him all the time...but he bears no ill intentions, mind you. I knew him long enough to swear by that ;). And although the jokes are not exactly appropriate at times, I would just laugh along and hope he doesn’t bore grudges in his heart...

Anyway after Form 2 we rarely see each other anymore. There are times when I saw him along the corridor...but I didn’t say hi. Not even wave. And he never greeted me too. Not because he didn’t want to. But because he couldn’t see me. You see, he’s blind.

That’s why I didn’t go up to him and talk when I saw him outside Skudai Parade today. I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed for shunning him all these years. Ashamed for not being a friend I should have been.

It seems that he and his friend are going to Kulai so we juz went straight to Yong Chen’s place. I realised something though, his friend was guiding him to the bus stop opposite the road to take a bus to Kulai. That’s what a friend should do. That’s how a friend should be. Not like me, didn’t greet him when I saw him just because he couldn’t see me so I thought it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t. Kind of make me realise I’m not a friend to some people as I thought of myself as...

Back to our party…
Then my father drove straight to Yong Chen’s place and dropped me there. I lepaked in Yong Chen’s room playing the computer and confusing Paul by being online at the same time haha. Around 6.30pm, we went to MPH in Leisure Mall to wait for Jem who drove there with Ashok at 7.30pm. Went to Keith’s house (or should I say ‘houses’ hehe…his house is made up of 2 terrace houses joined together) to see Fong Boon Hou (from the same primary and secondary school as some of us) and Leong were there already. Then Ng Ee Von and Irwin came. Spent most of my time trying to finish the beef and prawns they dump on my plate...i was nearly stuffed to death haha =P.

Around 10pm, we were done with eating so we went down to the living room for a while. After Leong went home at bout 11 something, Ee Von suggested we go ‘drink tea’. So Jem and Boon Hou drove the rest of us to Ayub’s coz Keith and Boon Hou wanted to watch football matches. Sat there, drank, chatted and left. I have to thank Keith and Boon Hou here for paying for all our drinks =).
To be continued tomorrow...

Conclusion…
Maybe I wasn’t being a friend enough to some people...though I admit there are some people I rather not be a friend to (I’m not going to name names here). But that incident today really made me feel that I should at least try to be more of a friend. I’ll juz try harder next time...though it’s rather hard to make a complete transition from an extremely quiet and shy guy of the past :-/. Sometimes, I find it hard not to hate myself. I hate myself, not for being the person I am...but the person I am not : a friend.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
And to Qing Sheng, I’m no friend, indeed.