The first week of Sem 2 has just come and gone.. can't say i was looking forward to the rest of the year, but on another hand, i can't wait until this year ends. Sigh.
Started with a PBL on Monday. A whole new group, but i already knew most of those in my group anyway.. only two batchmates i've never seen before >.< . I was rather comfortable with this new group, but i'm still having that problem of thinking-faster-than-i-could-speak when i was doing my presentation, which ended up with me tripping over myself in my sentences. There's so much i wanted to share, but in the end, most of it got lost in the midst of me trying to finish reading my notes as fast as i could. Maybe i should memorise what i'm going to present, instead of reading it out next time. Too lazy tho =P
Oh btw.. Kee Fong brought a big stack of papers to PBL 2 and took up half our PBL time >.< . Lol.. we're all trying to pass the message 'Cut it!' with our eyes, but he kept his eyes on the papers in his hands all the time -.-" . He like, explained everything bout the HIV virus to such an extent i forgot what his topic was supposed to be.. and you know what, the notes he photostated for us has less than 20 words on it. -__-"
On Wednesday.. we were shown a video on how to deal with a difficult (silent in this scenario) patient. When Reiko told us there's nothing wrong with the second video before she played it, we thought what's wrong with the video. Well, the doctor and patient were not moving at all half of the time haha. It's like the com hanged or sth. And the patient.. my god, if i had that patient i'd fall asleep in front of her =P. She said less than 10 words during the whole interview!
Anyway, Esther called me to the Senate Room after the lecture on difficult patients. The moment i stepped into that room, i thought i had walked into a tribal council or sth haha. Reps from every club/society in IMU were seated around the room, with EV, Nadia, Hendrick and Charmaine sitting at the front. It was some meeting about the recruitment drive, budget, plans, etc. Felt kinda weird tho.. with all the Prez and VP of so many clubs/societies together in one room. Felt like i was some kinda important person or sth =P. Then Esther told me bout a new 'tradition' they're going to put in place.. every year there has to be an AGM for every club. And the VP will take over the Prez position. Damn.. that means i'll be in charge of Wushu Club next year >.<
Thursday we had Clinical Skills Unit (CSU). Only history taking.. nth much. Paired up with Chui Han, she asked the questions while i sat at the side this time. At the end of the interview, the simulated patient (SP) said she didn't show concern to her. And my mind wandered and wondered..
Showing concern to someone i'm not close to felt somewhat awkward to me, let alone a total stranger. And to do it for so many hours a day, so many days a week.. it's just mentally and emotionally draining. Showing concern isn't the problem.. but when you show concern all the time to everyone you meet.. it becomes a routine, and you 'show concern' because you're expected to, not because you want to. And then everything suddenly felt so mechanical to me. Meet patient, force yourself to at least make it look like you're concerned about him, diagnose patient, prescribe treatment, patient satisfied, next patient, and repeat the whole routine all over again.
I'm worried i might become void of emotions, like a robot, 'showing concern' because i'm programmed to do so. And i wasn't sure i can stand it emotionally, showing concern to every patient i meet, and listen to their every complaint the whole day. Then i realised, this is some deep shit i got myself into for the rest of my life. I hope i can keep my sanity intact when i start my clinical phase =/. Am i just worrying too early, too much?