T-minus 73 hours

Denial.

I guess, it's time to come out of it. My 6 months holidays have indeed come to an end. The break i needed so much has finally come and gone. I wished i'd look forward to the next couple of years with much more .. enthusiasm. But somewhere inside of me, there is still some kind of reluctance.

To be so far away from home, it does feel a little surreal. I would need to get used to the time difference first of all. 8 hours. Mom said my biological clock wouldn't need any adjustment, since now right here i'm already nocturnal. Once i get there i would become a 'normal' person. Haha.

At least right now, the financial burden is finally lifted off my parents' shoulders. Dad has been talking to me bout our current situation, and has been assuring me he's still able to cover the university fees if i couldn't get any study grant. Just, barely, i know. Thank all the gods now he doesn't have to worry anymore. They tell my Dad we have been very very lucky. I think so too (:

That done with, it'll be the last hurdle for me to study in Dundee. I know, Dad wants me to just concentrate on studies and not worry myself with the finances. Well, the past few months, i tried at least to cover my own expenses with my office job and part time job. Haha, but just, barely.

Even before i leave for studies overseas, i already have been getting 'ang pows'. From Grandma, my aunts, even Uncle Tan next door. Hehe. Didn't expect to get that much.

A little more than 72 hours, and i'll be on that plane. Do miss all my friends of course, especially those in Bukit Jalil and Seremban. I know we didn't spend much time together while i was still here, but i'm still grateful we did. Dundee seems pretty cold. Lonely, perhaps.

Everything already packed up, it's hard to believe that i'm ready to leave now. I'm still trying to digest that. It takes months, but i have finally reached the next stage.

Acceptance.

And now comes the hard part : start studying again!

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............ haha

ps - i feel, infinitely grateful .. Lady Luck must have been smiling on my life (:

home is where the rabbits breed

Have been too lazy to blog these days. I blame the looong break! It's making me lazier than i thought i could possibly be =/.

So. While the JPA dudes and dudettes went for camp in Langkawi last week, me came back to Senai after almost 4 months of working in KL. Considering i only have few weeks left to strike off, i should be spending some time with my family i know.

Been back for 5 days now, actually. I'll say i got most of the things done already. Settled the accommodation, bought a new pair of running formal shoes for hospital rounds, that should be all that's needed to be done. Except the perishables and foodstuff to smuggle onboard, of course. Then it'll just be waiting days pass by.

Damn, 5 months are gone just like that.

There goes my plan to learn to read/write/speak Chinese.
There goes my plan to be damn good in basketball before i leave.
There goes my plan to fatten myself up to prevent hypothermia in Dundee.

And there goes my plan to relax and enjoy myself for the first time in my life.

Damn. I want my holidays back!!

--

Enough with my rant. Haha. On the news back home in ol' sweet home. I think i found the cure for infertility. And it lies in white fluffy animals. Couple of weeks ago, Mum put one white fluffy male and one white fluffy female together for just a second, and the next thing she knew, poof came out more white fluffy animals!

Baby rabbits are just so cute. Mum and Dad might be giving away the older ones and raise the babies instead. This home is getting a little too overcrowded. At last count i think there were a dozen chickens in the backyard. At least. Haha.

Come to think of it, i'm more at ease back home with the animals and greens everywhere than in the middle of a bustling city squeezing with dozens other strangers in the trains or on the road. Such peace and quiet to be found here. At nights i can hear crickets chirping instead of the sound of cars driving past.

I do wish for a quiet, stress-free life like this sometime in the future (pretty soon now) with a caffeine addict somewhere :P

--

Oh yeah just yesterday, three cousins came over, just one short of all from my dad's second sister's children. Sometimes i wonder why me and my cousins were never really close, sort of like 'blood-related and that's all'. 二姑姑 (second paternal aunt) was telling Grandma that my cousin bought a house somewhere near their home. Haha he's just 3 years older than me? Everyone's grown up now.

As i was telling 'Optimum Blunder', we are all old now..

Such a random blog post. Haha ah well. Here's a baby rabbit waving goodbye at ya. Okay, not exactly waving - it looks like it's playing possum in my hand. I don't look that carnivorous, do i? =/

Kung Fu Panda / me and my new shoes

Went for a long overdue outing with the increasingly diminishing number of us here. Earlier in the week me and Huilin were talking bout dragging Mus out to watch Kung Fu Panda with us, but someone seemed to have disappeared without a trace. Haha. Fortunately Yew Wen and Ben were free, so the 4 of us instead went MidValley to catch the much anticipated Po THE big fat panda doing kung fu (:

Maybe it was just me, but i think the movie was really really superb for me. I was almost in tears at the end of it. Possibly because i really loved the kung fu scenes of them fighting haha. I'm a biggie fan of martial arts fighting. Even by animated animals haha. Real cute. It was pretty funny too. Some lady behind was amazed by the "city is full of pigs" :P

After movie Huilin and Yew Wen left, with me and Ben scouring MidValley and Gardens for things to shop. I was looking for a pair of sports shoes actually, since the Reebok i bought after IMU Cup in Sem 1 is already shedding its skin and sole. Good time to get a new pair too to wear in Dundee.

--

First time i spent more than RM200 on myself with my own money.

Some might think i should have no qualms about spending just a fraction of the pay i earned the past few months. I do think too, but you don't know how heart-wrenching it is to fork out the money you've earned with your sweat and blood the pantry's Milo.. until the money left your hand and into the cashier machine with a ka-ching. Ouch.

Wouldn't say it was an impulsive purchase (like what usually happens to me), i've been looking for shoes for weeks now. But still i made a stupid mistake of not trying out a bigger size instead. Only after i looked at it while waiting for the train that i realised i bought the shoes one size smaller than my usual shoes. They do fit perfectly, albeit too perfectly. Now i'm worrying i might outgrow my shoes. Haha perhaps i do worry too much. RM270 is a LOT of money. Sigh.

Reebok Trail Haven. RM270. ouch ouch.

--

Perhaps not too long ago i was dreaming of a pair of outdoor shoes, and now i already own one. I know i should be much happier than i am right now, but somehow i don't. A year ago, i would be ecstatic to have bought one. I do love my new pair of shoes. I love the smell of my new shoes. But something wasn't exactly there, like i'm missing something.

Maybe because i kept worrying my shoes is one size smaller than my other shoes.

Certainly not that our group is so small now. Or the clock ticking away somewhere. Nope, i'm certainly not. *in denial*

random rants

Sometimes, looking at how people end up on my blog can be interesting.

One such person was searching for "how to be a happy med student".

Are med students really that sad? =/

--

Fuel prices increased by 40%, electricity increased by 18%, these times are getting tougher. Time to save and conserve, instead of complaining bout something that's inevitable.

--

If what is posted on Malaysian Today is true, it really does hurt. Like stabbing me with a knife and twisting it just for effect. From Malaysian Today's post:

「Last month, Umno Johor said that the greatest mistake they made was in giving the non-Malay immigrants citizenship in August 1957. Now that they have been given citizenship they show their ingratitude by voting for the opposition.」

Did they really say that? Sincerely, deep down inside i really hoped not.. because i still believed people like this don't exist here in my country .. (yes i was born and grew up here and no, China is not my home).

the days are getting shorter

It's June now. I've just spent the last day of my work last Saturday, the end of last month. Technically, i am free from any bond or contract. In other words, now i'm part of the unemployed community. Yay!

True that i've been looking forward for this day to come. Ever since work becomes boring, and the one hour travel to and another fro becomes increasingly a waste of time. There wasn't much that was entrusted to me at work, partly 'cause i'm only working there temporarily. Ended up staring at the monitor screen in front of me, wondering what else i could do, day in day out.

Thankfully i was able to access the internet at work, which is ironically, where i spent half of my time at work. Occasionally finding some poor victims on MSN to disturb - mostly Huilin, Jem and Yew Wen (haha).

I had thought i would miss the work, or my (ex)colleagues, or the lonely travel even. Funnily enough, sitting here in front of my laptop having all the time in the world to myself (for the next month, at least), i seriously don't. I'd much prefer to be bumming than working, anytime. Haha i can be such a lazy sod if i wanted to.

There's one thing i miss though. The very core of my survival of those 3-months of intense sleep-inducing boredom. That which sits where i can always find it in times of need.

The Magical Tin of Milo of the Pantry!

It has been the one i look forward to seeing everyday. The moment it's emptied of its content of Milo, it'll always magically(!) fill itself up overnight. Man, i need to get my hands on one of those. Haha. I think i'm suffering from Milo withdrawal syndrome now =/

--

On a more serious note, reaching the end of my working period does hit me hard. It's like one of those to-do-before-i-leave stuff, and most of the list is already crossed out now that it scares me. That before long, i'll be ready to head to those unfamiliar lands.

Ready. I don't think i'll ever be ready to leave. There is too much at stake, and i'm very, very happy status quo. Why can't life remain its familiar self to me. Sigh.

As i woke up today, my mind was replaying the scene when my older brother crossed the checkpoint and left on his plane to Melbourne. I remember me, my younger brother, parents, and our relatives sending him off. As we lost sight of him past the checkpoint, we went to the viewing gallery and watch as his tram took him to the departure area.

Next year, my brother would have graduated. Then it will be my turn to be on the plane. In my mind i saw myself, carrying a big backpack, luggage in stow, walking towards the departure gate. I felt sad.

a look on life (i)
16 July 2007

It seems almost surreal my turn is coming. I'm already feeling sad.

a dream was but a dream

I had a dream.

I vaguely remember how it started, or how it ended, or even in between.

But i remember waking up this morning and feeling like i really wished that dream never ended.

--

In that dream, i boarded a plane.

To see my friends already seated in it.

I spotted Jeremy, with Paul and Mustaqim sitting somewhere near him, and i moved over to find a place nearby.

Found a place next to Yih Seong who sat a row in front of them, and i seated myself.

Then it changed to a place (we reached?) where there was a lot of people.

And i met my mum(?) and my primary school friends, notably Yohannes and Jaimi there as well.

I ended up going to sleep, with someone in my arms.

I remember hoping all this would last, as i lay there, drifting off into dreams within a dream.

--

Before waking up late for work.

Alas, a dream was but a dream.

Truth is, i'm boarding a plane with strangers to a strange land filled with strangers.

7 weeks.

Sigh.

Malaysian Artistes For Unity

Malaysian Artistes For Unity - Here In My Home

The reason i can't ever find a home elsewhere (:

A multi-racial non-profit zero-budget music production headed by Pete Teo. Every effort is voluntary. This is what being Malaysian should be.

Lyrics as compiled by Weizhu.

--

Show/Hide Lyrics [+/-]

Hold on brother hold on
The road is long. We’re on stony ground
But I’m strong. You ain’t heavy
Oh there’s a misspoken truth that lies
Colors don’t bind, oh no
What do they know? They speak falsely

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(Fall in~ Fall in~)
Fall in with me
(hmm ... fall in~)
Fall in fall in fall in with me

Push back sister won’t you push back?
Love won’t wait, just keep pushing on
Yes I’m strong, you ain’t heavy

Oh don’t you worry about that...
What we have the shadows can’t deny
Don’t you know it’s now or never?

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one?

(dududu lululu ... alot of dululu until i micounted them)

(Bahasa Malaysia)
Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya
Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang
[Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion]

(Mandarin)
手牵手大家一起走，我们代表国人开口未来就没有丢走
shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou, wo men dai biao guo ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou
[Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people, hope we’ll find peace forever]

(Tamil)
இந்த பயணம் பயணம்.. என் வெற்றி தாகம்,
அந்த கனா காலம்.. நம் வெற்றி ராகம்,
நண்பா.. நண்பா..
inthe payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam
anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam... nanba nanba
[May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song of the blessed]

(English)
Yes I feel it in my bones, so I will let it be known
No matter where I roam this is home sweet home

Sing!

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(yeah~ Yeah~)

Here in my home
(Here in my home)
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
(I’ll tell you ...)
There’s just one hope here in my heart
(one hope! one hope yo!)
One love undivided
(aa~ one~)
That’s what it’s all about
(That’s what it’s all about~)
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?

Here in my home
(Here in my home~)
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
(one love one love one love)
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(clap clap clap woo~ i love you man)

--

This song and music video are available to download for free at their website. Spread the love (word) (: