if you fry bacon long enough, it tastes like 'bak kwa'aka I've been spending too much time at home

Holidays officially started 10 days ago, and I've officially been bumming for 10 days. Wait, it was actually much longer than that. My last block in General Medicine (Oncology, Infectious Disease, Neurosurgery, Neurology) was a mess. Agh.. time to buck up, come on.

To say that since the holiday started I've been staying in my room will have been an understatement. I've practically rooted in my room. I eat, sleep in my room (okay, duh where else.. haha). Heck, even the air I'm breathing right now is recycled from myself.

Sleeping 10 hours a day. Waking up at 3pm. Chomping on junk food. Stoning in front of the laptop. Stoning in bed. Stoning in the toilet.

That's just how the holidays should be :P

Plans to do catch-up studies had practically gone down the drain. So did my plans to fill in the dreaded "Record of Clinical Experience" book. And my plans of reading for the next block.

Heh. But it's the holidays. So i'm excused. Ahem.

Anyway felt a little bit wasted to just stay home for the holidays so I made a last minute plan to go Glasgow for some walk-walk-see-see over Christmas before heading to Edinburgh (where we'll then drive up to Aviemore for skiing!). Good thing Yew Wen's able to accommodate my spontaneous trip there haha. That's what friends are for, isn't it? (to provide free accommodation :P)

Just 4 hours before I'm off now. Don't suppose I'll update this blog again till 2009 so here's wishing Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you!

To the lengzhai moose freezing in Canada, don't stay home and breathe recycled air like I did haha.

And to those of you who already went back home to Malaysia over Christmas, I hate you.

Unless you send me food. *hint hint*

like a child on Christmas eve

I know that I'm too old now to still be acting like a small kid on Christmas eve.

But frankly, since the email came that says my free gift has been dispatched, every second is pure agony. It always felt so near, yet so far. Didn't help that no one was home when it was delivered up to our doorstep, so it then went back to the post office in city centre. That caused another 2 days wait for me.

Anyway still, it's safely cradled in my hands now. Such beautiful curves, makes me want to run my hands over the smooth body. I'm so transfixed by it, I'd even bring it into bed with me.

My precioussssssss.. :D

Christmas came early this year! :D

of bald trees and chilling winds

Empty buses.

Passing strangers.

Falling leaves.

Freezing sunshine.

Long nights.

Addictive McVities.

Whirring laptop.

Quiet house.

Missing everyone.

--

One month to holidays.

Can't wait for Christmas!

ps - to those on the other side of the globe, have fun when you all go back home! (:

Back in Dundee; a month of patients

Okay, so it's not the first time i'm back in Dundee from Fife.

Cut a long story short, stranger asked for a favour, me being 'adventurous' and oh-so-kindhearted, me ended up in Fife for a whole month. Okay, it's only 3 weeks as of now, i've still got one more week to go.

A whole month missing from my blog, just filled up with lots of clinic sessions, ward rounds, and surgery observations. Having gone through Orthopaedics, Rheumatology, Urology AND Ophthalmology in the past month alone, i currently find myself halfway thru ENT. Although, none of these specialties is my thing, really. I realised i can't really do well in Ophthalmo, and it doesn't really appeal to me now.

--

In just one month, i think i've began to change my view on life.

In one month, i've seen, heard, observed almost a hundred patients i'll say. When one is faced with such torrent of endless patients all with their worries and complaints and, for the lack of a better word, diseases, i find it hard to not be thankful for my health.

For each case note i flipped thru, it's like i'm going thru the patient's life in very fast forward. From the first complaint recorded by the GP, to the last result of investigations carried out, each patient hounded by his own problems. Dozens of case notes i had gone thru, some thicker than even the thickest medical textbook. These case notes had been chasing these patients around from hospital to hospital all their lives, taking down every hospital visit they had, every prod and every poke they got.

And i realised, i never really had a case note to call my own.

The only times i've been to the hospital as a patient, is once to get a frontalis sling surgery for my right ptosis, another for my dengue fever, and the last for my fractured wrist. My case notes, if it even exists, must have looked so insignificant beside these patients'.

Really makes me feel ever grateful for the health i've been blessed with so far. And at the same time, morbidly wonder when will it be my turn to be hounded by my case notes, from hospital to hospital.

--

And in one month, i saw 3 patients breaking into tears, two of them while i was talking to them.

An otherwise fit lady who tried to stay positive even when faced with her own frustration with her progressive disability. Kept a strong front, she looked like she would not go down without a fight. Yet when she spoke of her grandchildren, she ended up in tears. She was heartbroken that she's unable to lift her grandchildren up anymore.

An elderly man, advanced in age, talked about his life story. His work, his time in the army, his family. And then he looked into my eyes, and tears welled up in his eyes. "I ain't got much time left," he told me. I tried to search for words in reply, but all i could do was look at his sad smile and gave him a pat. I willed myself not to imagine when that would be me with the sad smile one day.

A young girl, worried about her symptoms. A straighforward presentation, and she herself had researched about it on the internet. The worry that it might be just what she had feared, never showed up till the last moment. And when the doctor honestly confirmed her worst fears, she had nowhere to hide anymore. She broke down with her mum beside. One word has just changed her whole future.

--

After seeing all those patients, it's hard not to try to build up an emotional barrier between me and them. Trying not to be affected by their sad stories. Should i be indifferent, or should i relate to them?

Just a short note,

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to everyone! (:

Will post something soon. Just came from Dunfermline (which have no unfiltered internet access) to Kirkcaldy (where i'm freeee!). Hope everyone's doing good (:. Ta for now.

SUR2: wakey wakey

And there goes the second week of my 4th year. Time does pass really fast when you have something on all the time =/

Anaesthesia week's over, but i can't say it's been a really productive week. I had been scheduled to shadow a different anaesthetist for each morning, and other than that there's nothing on. Thing is, out of the 3 days, i had missed 3 surgeries due to cancellations or because the previous surgery took too long. I know, i should have been super enthu and stayed there for the rest of the days. Haha but i have better things to do.. like clerking patients for the next day. Which i didn't really manage to do anyway. Sigh.

But i did learn something though. And that is the misconception that anaesthetists do not need any communication skills because their patients are always asleep anyway. Haha i don't know who came up with that. I had actually thought so too, until now. On the contrary, an anesthetist has to have damn good communication skills. Bloody damn good. Damn.

So what does an anaesthetist do?
He has to visit the patient the day before the surgery to assess the patient's fitness.
He has to visit him again in the morning to reassure and relieve his anxiety.
He has to make him sleep with his lame jokes in the anaesthesia room (just before going into theatre).
And after the surgery, he has to wake him up and assess his condition.

If you notice it, the patient never get to see the surgeon at all, but he sees the anaesthetist all the time.

The surgeon sorta wait in his room for the patient to be wheeled into the theatre, go and do his stuff, and ciao from the theatre to drink coffee leaving the anaesthetist to 'wakey wakey' the patient. In a way, a surgeon seems so cool. Haha.

To be fair, an anesthetist get to drink coffee during the surgery :P.

So what do i think of becoming an anaesthetist now, given that my communication skills is non-existent? Strangely, i just can't wait to be one right now. Heck, i even look through the whole 7 years postgraduate course in anaesthesia. 7 years. Bloody hell i still have to study that long?

By the time i really get the chance to 'wakey wakey' a patient, i would be 32 years old.

That's a really long time just to learn how to make people sleep.. or maybe i can just skip all that and have a crash course in Lame Jokes 101 from a certain 'leng zhai' in Calgary. Haha :P

ps - there, i blogged about a 'leng zhai'. Happy? Haha.

pps - apparently the doctor cum lecturers here like to ask 'Happy?' during their teachings ..

--

And a happy Merdeka, Malaysia! the land where my blood spill (:

SUR2: of accidents and emergencies (or lack thereof)

Accident&Emergency block ended, and so did the Olympics. Felt barely a couple of days ago that i was watching the Olympics opening ceremony. Well, half of it anyway.

Having been posted to A&E in the mornings, there wasn't really much too see. There weren't that many cases to observe, and most of the time we ended up just standing around the Review Clinic waiting for patients to come in (which mostly never did). For a hospital that boasts of unrivalled pre-hospital care, Ninewells's A&E department does seem quiet in the mornings.

Most of the patients we saw were during the ward rounds, where half the cases were overdoses, while the other half were trauma/falls. Nothing major i witnessed, but that probably is because i didn't stay around during the evening when patient admissions peak. The one night i did stay though, there was this late middle-aged lady who got drunk and overdosed herself. Pretty worked up and kept trying to leave the ward, at one point i had to try to keep her in bed as well. Haha. Oh and the security guards were called in. And they were.. HUGE. First time i have to lift my head up so high just to look at them. That was the most interesting it got anyway. Maybe i should go at nights again next week.

The consultants and registrars have been very cheerful and friendly here, almost exactly the opposite of what i would expect had it been in Malaysia. Joked around a lot, and i think that's a good thing. At least the patients don't feel uptight where everyone's so serious about everything. But i guess probably it's because they're less stressed here, Scotland being much less populated than Britain. Good thing the patients here get all the attention. If only Malaysia can reach this standard, instead of making the doctors do on-calls for 36 hours straight. But that'd be blamed on the lack of doctors, with that being caused by the exploitations long on-calls making doctors not wanting to come back. Catch-22, eh.

Starting Anaesthesia block for next week, something i had been looking forward to since i've been pretty interested in it. Funny enough, the first reason i took interest in anaesthesia is because of an article on the newspaper, an anaesthesiologist talking bout the lack of anaesthesiologists in Malaysia. Of course, being the young, naive and patriotic boy back then, i pretty much vowed myself to become one and serve the country. I'm still the same after these years, but somehow, i'm more inclined to stay here instead, at least for a while.

Probably due to the childishness that is Malaysian politics. Guess i don't have to say much for every other Malaysian to know what's happening back home, seems to have escalated into some hypocritical competition. Like, someone offering Datukship while the other offers money to an Olympic silver medalist. I mean, why pull the ones watching on the side into this already dirty field. Sigh, if only they're as 'passionate' in serving the rakyat. For now (and as before), i don't know which side is worse. Everything, everyone's just a big mess.

--

Wouldn't go into that. On to brighter news, Adrian just organised a BBQ for us at his place. Very yummy food, made me miss all the BBQs we used to have. Big Night Outs .. that had been fun. I have a feeling that the BNOs for the British involve a hell lot more alcohol and cigarattes here though. Like, uh.. Carnage UK's coming to Dundee! (viewer discretion advised)

Culture shock would have been an understatement. Haha. At first i thought it'd be a great fun party, but now.. uh, let's say that's a little too 'fun' :P.

Seems a little long (and off-track) now, better sleep soon. Till next then, have a great week peeps.

ps - little known fact: Ninewells Hospital (Dundee's main hospital) has its own series on BBC! Which ran for 6 episodes, centred on the A&E department. Complete with drama-like opening title some more haha. Pity i couldn't find it anywhere on the net to torrent .. (we were shown some parts of a few episodes though heh)

The Week

The Week is finally coming to an end. It's almost a month since i set foot in this cold, cold place with warm, warm people (:. I'm actually beginning to fall in love with this town.

After having gone through our bridging course in 3 weeks, we had a week's break before the 4th year starts and we join in with the rest of our new batch. A week to do all the catching-up needed for the half year more they did which we skipped.

Catch up, we did. Caught up with the Aberdeen gang of course :P

Since they came all the way down to check Dundee out the last time, we figured we'll return the favor this time round :P. So the day after our online assessment exam (which is.. let's just say the half year we lacked really shows haha) on Thursday, we took the train all the way to Aberdeen.

3 days, 2 nights in Aberdeen, the Aberdonians are really really amazing hosts. Especially Jackie, who went to all the trouble just to make sure our stay is comfortable. Nice to see all of them again after so long, all settled in and close knit now, just makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside even so far away from home. And so much thanks for the dinner you all cooked on our last day there. Yummy. Miss you all already (:

After Aberdeen we head even more northwards to Inverness, where the famous Loch Ness is. Very scenic town along the River Ness, albeit a small one (but their shops are open till late evening! maybe dundee is too un-touristy ..). Managed to book a tour package of Loch Ness and Uruquat Castle, which was really worth the 20 pounds we paid for it. Our driver/tour guide, George is such a funny chap hehe.

And after 2 days in Inverness, we came back to Dundee. Since then i've just been either sleeping as much as i can at home, went exploring around the neighbourhood, or be in town (just did a psychology experiment and earned 6 pounds aha). Didn't do nothing much really, but now i think i should have studied a little bit more =/

--

Just 9 hours to the start of our class now.

The Week is finally over. I guess, i will really miss this week of nothing-to-worry-about-but-just-chill very very soon ..

My first block is Surgery 2 - Acute Care (A&E) for next week. Let's hope i don't embarrass myself and at least get to know some of the locals (:

--

A random note, listen to this guy's singing. Beautiful song. Just came across it on Facebook hehe (yes, and i've been Facebook-ing too much as well ..)

Rain Melts [A Becca Fox Poem]

Darren Ashley, drummer/vocalist of Malaysian homegrown band, Bus Company, who won the Battle of the Bands Asia 2007 (reminds me of the BotB back in Taylor's College .. so long ago now sigh ..)

T-plus 12 days, 10 hours

Finally, finally got our internet up last Friday evening. The only thing we've been looking forward to the whole week we're here in this wooden 'cabin' which happens to be where we're staying in.

Finally, i get the guilt of not updating my blog again.

Finished our first week of bridging, which was pretty good for me. Refreshed my memory of all the stuff that were lost in my brain during the 6 months break. Though, there's still many areas for me to work on, but ah hell, that'll be done. When i get to it. Eventually. I hope.

Throughout the first week, we've had a tour of the labyrinth called Ninewells Hospital, slept in lectures of Cardiovascular and Orthopaedics, practised a little clinical skills, and had our health and English assessed. Rather light week, found ourselves rather free that we made quite a few trips to the city. Well you see, somehow the hospital's located kinda far from the city. Therefore staying near the hospital, we didn't really have much place to loiter around.

The weather has been pretty good lately, compared to when we first touched down. The first few days were so bloody cold, i had to turn on the heater. During summer. Haha. But i eventually get used to the cold. It's the wind that chill you actually, without which it's really a very nice weather.

As for food, it's really scarce around here since the shops close at 6pm. Nowhere to go for dinner at all, except the takeaway kebab shops. I've bought plenty of stuff to try to cook for the next week tho. So if you haven't hear from me a week after this, you know what happened to me. Time for my Tummy-of-Steel to go into overdrive! .. *crosses fingers*

Ah yeah, Jackie and a couple of Aberdeen seniors came down to Dundee last week. Helping Adeline Gong (hereforth known as Dr Gong) move in, so they say. Just another excuse to travel around, i say. Haha. But seriously, i haven't even start my fourth year and Jackie's already toured London, Glasgow, Dundee AND St. Andrews. Tak tunggu pun! Haha

Guess that's all for now. Got a few backdated posts yet to be finished, but mostly boring stuff. Will finish them up when i'm not so lazy. Heh.

PS - bon voyage to syiok-sendiri punya lengzhai, Mus! Have fun in Calgary (:

T-minus 73 hours

Denial.

I guess, it's time to come out of it. My 6 months holidays have indeed come to an end. The break i needed so much has finally come and gone. I wished i'd look forward to the next couple of years with much more .. enthusiasm. But somewhere inside of me, there is still some kind of reluctance.

To be so far away from home, it does feel a little surreal. I would need to get used to the time difference first of all. 8 hours. Mom said my biological clock wouldn't need any adjustment, since now right here i'm already nocturnal. Once i get there i would become a 'normal' person. Haha.

At least right now, the financial burden is finally lifted off my parents' shoulders. Dad has been talking to me bout our current situation, and has been assuring me he's still able to cover the university fees if i couldn't get any study grant. Just, barely, i know. Thank all the gods now he doesn't have to worry anymore. They tell my Dad we have been very very lucky. I think so too (:

That done with, it'll be the last hurdle for me to study in Dundee. I know, Dad wants me to just concentrate on studies and not worry myself with the finances. Well, the past few months, i tried at least to cover my own expenses with my office job and part time job. Haha, but just, barely.

Even before i leave for studies overseas, i already have been getting 'ang pows'. From Grandma, my aunts, even Uncle Tan next door. Hehe. Didn't expect to get that much.

A little more than 72 hours, and i'll be on that plane. Do miss all my friends of course, especially those in Bukit Jalil and Seremban. I know we didn't spend much time together while i was still here, but i'm still grateful we did. Dundee seems pretty cold. Lonely, perhaps.

Everything already packed up, it's hard to believe that i'm ready to leave now. I'm still trying to digest that. It takes months, but i have finally reached the next stage.

Acceptance.

And now comes the hard part : start studying again!

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............ haha

ps - i feel, infinitely grateful .. Lady Luck must have been smiling on my life (:

home is where the rabbits breed

Have been too lazy to blog these days. I blame the looong break! It's making me lazier than i thought i could possibly be =/.

So. While the JPA dudes and dudettes went for camp in Langkawi last week, me came back to Senai after almost 4 months of working in KL. Considering i only have few weeks left to strike off, i should be spending some time with my family i know.

Been back for 5 days now, actually. I'll say i got most of the things done already. Settled the accommodation, bought a new pair of running formal shoes for hospital rounds, that should be all that's needed to be done. Except the perishables and foodstuff to smuggle onboard, of course. Then it'll just be waiting days pass by.

Damn, 5 months are gone just like that.

There goes my plan to learn to read/write/speak Chinese.
There goes my plan to be damn good in basketball before i leave.
There goes my plan to fatten myself up to prevent hypothermia in Dundee.

And there goes my plan to relax and enjoy myself for the first time in my life.

Damn. I want my holidays back!!

--

Enough with my rant. Haha. On the news back home in ol' sweet home. I think i found the cure for infertility. And it lies in white fluffy animals. Couple of weeks ago, Mum put one white fluffy male and one white fluffy female together for just a second, and the next thing she knew, poof came out more white fluffy animals!

Baby rabbits are just so cute. Mum and Dad might be giving away the older ones and raise the babies instead. This home is getting a little too overcrowded. At last count i think there were a dozen chickens in the backyard. At least. Haha.

Come to think of it, i'm more at ease back home with the animals and greens everywhere than in the middle of a bustling city squeezing with dozens other strangers in the trains or on the road. Such peace and quiet to be found here. At nights i can hear crickets chirping instead of the sound of cars driving past.

I do wish for a quiet, stress-free life like this sometime in the future (pretty soon now) with a caffeine addict somewhere :P

--

Oh yeah just yesterday, three cousins came over, just one short of all from my dad's second sister's children. Sometimes i wonder why me and my cousins were never really close, sort of like 'blood-related and that's all'. 二姑姑 (second paternal aunt) was telling Grandma that my cousin bought a house somewhere near their home. Haha he's just 3 years older than me? Everyone's grown up now.

As i was telling 'Optimum Blunder', we are all old now..

Such a random blog post. Haha ah well. Here's a baby rabbit waving goodbye at ya. Okay, not exactly waving - it looks like it's playing possum in my hand. I don't look that carnivorous, do i? =/

Kung Fu Panda / me and my new shoes

Went for a long overdue outing with the increasingly diminishing number of us here. Earlier in the week me and Huilin were talking bout dragging Mus out to watch Kung Fu Panda with us, but someone seemed to have disappeared without a trace. Haha. Fortunately Yew Wen and Ben were free, so the 4 of us instead went MidValley to catch the much anticipated Po THE big fat panda doing kung fu (:

Maybe it was just me, but i think the movie was really really superb for me. I was almost in tears at the end of it. Possibly because i really loved the kung fu scenes of them fighting haha. I'm a biggie fan of martial arts fighting. Even by animated animals haha. Real cute. It was pretty funny too. Some lady behind was amazed by the "city is full of pigs" :P

After movie Huilin and Yew Wen left, with me and Ben scouring MidValley and Gardens for things to shop. I was looking for a pair of sports shoes actually, since the Reebok i bought after IMU Cup in Sem 1 is already shedding its skin and sole. Good time to get a new pair too to wear in Dundee.

--

First time i spent more than RM200 on myself with my own money.

Some might think i should have no qualms about spending just a fraction of the pay i earned the past few months. I do think too, but you don't know how heart-wrenching it is to fork out the money you've earned with your sweat and blood the pantry's Milo.. until the money left your hand and into the cashier machine with a ka-ching. Ouch.

Wouldn't say it was an impulsive purchase (like what usually happens to me), i've been looking for shoes for weeks now. But still i made a stupid mistake of not trying out a bigger size instead. Only after i looked at it while waiting for the train that i realised i bought the shoes one size smaller than my usual shoes. They do fit perfectly, albeit too perfectly. Now i'm worrying i might outgrow my shoes. Haha perhaps i do worry too much. RM270 is a LOT of money. Sigh.

Reebok Trail Haven. RM270. ouch ouch.

--

Perhaps not too long ago i was dreaming of a pair of outdoor shoes, and now i already own one. I know i should be much happier than i am right now, but somehow i don't. A year ago, i would be ecstatic to have bought one. I do love my new pair of shoes. I love the smell of my new shoes. But something wasn't exactly there, like i'm missing something.

Maybe because i kept worrying my shoes is one size smaller than my other shoes.

Certainly not that our group is so small now. Or the clock ticking away somewhere. Nope, i'm certainly not. *in denial*

random rants

Sometimes, looking at how people end up on my blog can be interesting.

One such person was searching for "how to be a happy med student".

Are med students really that sad? =/

--

Fuel prices increased by 40%, electricity increased by 18%, these times are getting tougher. Time to save and conserve, instead of complaining bout something that's inevitable.

--

If what is posted on Malaysian Today is true, it really does hurt. Like stabbing me with a knife and twisting it just for effect. From Malaysian Today's post:

「Last month, Umno Johor said that the greatest mistake they made was in giving the non-Malay immigrants citizenship in August 1957. Now that they have been given citizenship they show their ingratitude by voting for the opposition.」

Did they really say that? Sincerely, deep down inside i really hoped not.. because i still believed people like this don't exist here in my country .. (yes i was born and grew up here and no, China is not my home).

the days are getting shorter

It's June now. I've just spent the last day of my work last Saturday, the end of last month. Technically, i am free from any bond or contract. In other words, now i'm part of the unemployed community. Yay!

True that i've been looking forward for this day to come. Ever since work becomes boring, and the one hour travel to and another fro becomes increasingly a waste of time. There wasn't much that was entrusted to me at work, partly 'cause i'm only working there temporarily. Ended up staring at the monitor screen in front of me, wondering what else i could do, day in day out.

Thankfully i was able to access the internet at work, which is ironically, where i spent half of my time at work. Occasionally finding some poor victims on MSN to disturb - mostly Huilin, Jem and Yew Wen (haha).

I had thought i would miss the work, or my (ex)colleagues, or the lonely travel even. Funnily enough, sitting here in front of my laptop having all the time in the world to myself (for the next month, at least), i seriously don't. I'd much prefer to be bumming than working, anytime. Haha i can be such a lazy sod if i wanted to.

There's one thing i miss though. The very core of my survival of those 3-months of intense sleep-inducing boredom. That which sits where i can always find it in times of need.

The Magical Tin of Milo of the Pantry!

It has been the one i look forward to seeing everyday. The moment it's emptied of its content of Milo, it'll always magically(!) fill itself up overnight. Man, i need to get my hands on one of those. Haha. I think i'm suffering from Milo withdrawal syndrome now =/

--

On a more serious note, reaching the end of my working period does hit me hard. It's like one of those to-do-before-i-leave stuff, and most of the list is already crossed out now that it scares me. That before long, i'll be ready to head to those unfamiliar lands.

Ready. I don't think i'll ever be ready to leave. There is too much at stake, and i'm very, very happy status quo. Why can't life remain its familiar self to me. Sigh.

As i woke up today, my mind was replaying the scene when my older brother crossed the checkpoint and left on his plane to Melbourne. I remember me, my younger brother, parents, and our relatives sending him off. As we lost sight of him past the checkpoint, we went to the viewing gallery and watch as his tram took him to the departure area.

Next year, my brother would have graduated. Then it will be my turn to be on the plane. In my mind i saw myself, carrying a big backpack, luggage in stow, walking towards the departure gate. I felt sad.

a look on life (ii)
16 July 2007

It seems almost surreal my turn is coming. I'm already feeling sad.

a dream was but a dream

I had a dream.

I vaguely remember how it started, or how it ended, or even in between.

But i remember waking up this morning and feeling like i really wished that dream never ended.

--

In that dream, i boarded a plane.

To see my friends already seated in it.

I spotted Jeremy, with Paul and Mustaqim sitting somewhere near him, and i moved over to find a place nearby.

Found a place next to Yih Seong who sat a row in front of them, and i seated myself.

Then it changed to a place (we reached?) where there was a lot of people.

And i met my mum(?) and my primary school friends, notably Yohannes and Jaimi there as well.

I ended up going to sleep, with someone in my arms.

I remember hoping all this would last, as i lay there, drifting off into dreams within a dream.

--

Before waking up late for work.

Alas, a dream was but a dream.

Truth is, i'm boarding a plane with strangers to a strange land filled with strangers.

7 weeks.

Sigh.

Malaysian Artistes For Unity

Malaysian Artistes For Unity - Here In My Home

The reason i can't ever find a home elsewhere (:

A multi-racial non-profit zero-budget music production headed by Pete Teo. Every effort is voluntary. This is what being Malaysian should be.

Lyrics as compiled by Weizhu.

--

Show/Hide Lyrics [+/-]

Hold on brother hold on
The road is long. We’re on stony ground
But I’m strong. You ain’t heavy
Oh there’s a misspoken truth that lies
Colors don’t bind, oh no
What do they know? They speak falsely

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(Fall in~ Fall in~)
Fall in with me
(hmm ... fall in~)
Fall in fall in fall in with me

Push back sister won’t you push back?
Love won’t wait, just keep pushing on
Yes I’m strong, you ain’t heavy

Oh don’t you worry about that...
What we have the shadows can’t deny
Don’t you know it’s now or never?

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one?

(dududu lululu ... alot of dululu until i micounted them)

(Bahasa Malaysia)
Bertubi asakan berkurun lamanya
Hati ke depan mencari yang sayang
[Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion]

(Mandarin)
手牵手大家一起走，我们代表国人开口未来就没有丢走
shou qian shou da jia yi qi zou, wo men dai biao guo ren kai kou wei lai jiu mei you diu zou
[Hand in hand we’ll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people, hope we’ll find peace forever]

(Tamil)
இந்த பயணம் பயணம்.. என் வெற்றி தாகம்,
அந்த கனா காலம்.. நம் வெற்றி ராகம்,
நண்பா.. நண்பா..
inthe payanam payanamm yen vettri thaagam
anthee kaana kaalam naam vetri raagam... nanba nanba
[May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song of the blessed]

(English)
Yes I feel it in my bones, so I will let it be known
No matter where I roam this is home sweet home

Sing!

Here in my home
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(yeah~ Yeah~)

Here in my home
(Here in my home)
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
(I’ll tell you ...)
There’s just one hope here in my heart
(one hope! one hope yo!)
One love undivided
(aa~ one~)
That’s what it’s all about
(That’s what it’s all about~)
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?

Here in my home
(Here in my home~)
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
There’s just one hope here in my heart
(one love one love one love)
One love undivided
That’s what it’s all about
Please won’t you fall in one by one by one with me?
(clap clap clap woo~ i love you man)

--

This song and music video are available to download for free at their website. Spread the love (word) (:

of finding back the joy of lode running

Some of you guys already know, besides having a full-time office job, i also have a part time data entry job at home for a website listing tech-related companies. For this data entry job, i'm given lists of companies for me to find their websites, and then fill in the companies' details.

The job might not be much (and boring to most), but i was just having it as a source of side income since i had quite some free time to spend. Little did i know, i would learn so much from it. So much about the real world out there.

Such as when i find out how a company started out small, and went on to 'phagocytose' (acquire) every other companies around them.

And how for every company that succeeded, many more went bust, were bought over, taken over, and could only imagine the despair brought upon all their employees.

How an idea from a creative mind, coupled with courage to take great risks, brought about the rise of many a company.

Sometimes i learned about a new technology i never knew, and how everything around us now depended on technology so much.

I learned that India is much more technologically advanced than i thought, and perhaps have the greatest minds in the world.

--

Sort of opened my eyes to the world out there, instead of just seeing what's around me. Made me finally realise how vast and complicated the world really is.

Even just listing down the technology companies, i came across vast differences in the people that worked behind them, from education level to working life experiences. One can see it just by looking at their websites alone.

--

And every once in a while, i came across something that stirred inside me.

I was supposed to be finding information about a games company, Acclaim. From its wiki page, somehow i ended up reading on Sierra On-Line.

And then i remembered a game released by Sierra, that me and my brothers used to play on the oldest of our computers, back when we were still in primary school even.

Lode Runner.

We played this one game for days, weeks on end. I remembered how we would go to Holiday Plaza, bringing a few floppy disks. Look through a catalogue of PC games, and decide which one to be copied into those few floppy disks. And then back home happily, with new games to spend our days in front of the computer.

This was one such game copied into our floppy disks, that changed our small worlds of video games and cartoons back then.

How we spend so much time over this game, trying to solve its puzzles. Playing cooperatively to beat its levels. Creating our own puzzles to play with.

The last level i ever remember playing was one created by my older brother, where the whole screen was filled with bombs. Haha.. we had so much fun playing it over and over and over again. Even though essentially, the whole screen is going to get blown up and we'll just die over and over again. We laughed when we tried to kill off each other. We laughed when we couldn't outrun the ticking bombs. We laughed when there's nothing left on the screen.

So much laughter.. over something which seems so insignificant now.

Sigh.

Growing up sucks, don't it.

--

ps - for those of you who wants to relive these childhood memories (if you played Lode Runner before), the original lead programmer had kindly put up this very game for download on his website. Bless his kind soul :P. Now excuse me while i have some lode running to do .. (:

a little prayer, a little hope

The first day i stepped into IMU, it was for the entrance interview into the university.

After registering myself, I sat down on the bench with a couple of other hopefuls. Soon i was called in next, and were faced by two of IMU's lecturers. Only remembered one of them, Ms Reiko Yap, a behavioural science lecturer.

Halfway through the usual questions, came this.

"Which field do you intend to specialise in in the future and why?"

To which i answered, almost by rote.

"After i graduate, i'd like to go further into opthalmology. This is because i had seen for myself what it's like to be blind, all the difficulties faced to not be able to see, the things in life they missed just because they are visually impaired. And because personally, i knew of a blind friend, and many times i wished i could help in some way. If i could just help restore others' eyesight and prevent blindness, that'd be the gift i'd willingly spend my whole life giving. Nobody should be robbed of their sight, much more by something preventable."

It remained my specialty of choice for the first year, until we were taught to use the ophthalmoscope. The best friend of an opthalmologist and something, i realised, i have trouble with. You see, an ophthalmoscope is a device that lets the doctor 'see' into a patient's eye. And you use one eye to look through the ophthalmoscope, into one of the patient's eye.

The problem is, i am a 'self-diagnosed' amblyopia sufferer. Otherwise known as 'lazy eye'. My right eye's sight is dimmer due to lack of use during my childhood, when i had congenital ptosis on my right eye. In essence, i can't use my right eye to look through any devices clearly.

And because of that, i gave up on the idea of being an opthalmologist.

--

An hour ago, a message from my big brother.

"Ah Poh got partially blind."

..

I cried.

What use is all this studying all the while, if i can't even use any of it to help my grandma?

I felt useless.

When she needs support the most, i am furthest away from her.

..

First thing i'd do after i settled my stuff here, i'll go back for her.

..

So i say a little prayer, and wished a little hope.

--

Please do not take her sight away, not before us 3 brothers achieved what she dreamed of us to achieve..

.. her whole lifetime of hard work ..

.. please give her this one privilege in life ..

.. i just want to see her looking at us ..

.. with pride in her eyes.

This, i pray.. please.

movingtoofastwheresthebrake / patience

The Seremban gang just finished their first block of posting last week. Tomorrow morning, they'll begin their second posting, while i'll be dragging myself out of bed to go work, Ben and Prasad be poking some mice, HuilinMusYewwen pretending to be doctors, and CheeMei markets.

For the few days break they had, Paul and Winnie came to KL and we had a small gathering together (me, Huilin, Ben, Prasad, Yew Wen, Mus). Movie outing didn't go as planned, so we had a long chat over coffee caramel frappucino at Starbucks, Gardens instead. Haha sudah high class ni.

Caught up on the latest gossips news from Seremban and around. Since we left IMU, so many things had changed it's hard to even keep up with it. Sometimes i feel like i've been left in the past. Where everything's familiar and comforting, instead of the present where everything's changing and i realise i knew less and less of the people i thought i knew.

--

It's almost the end of April now. Will be applying for visa next week or the following. And meanwhile look for flight tickets with Hui Suan. Freaking visa costs more than 660 bucks alone. It's real expensive to study overseas. Sigh. Wonder if i should have stayed instead.

Accommodation proved to be a real headache for me too. I'm left with two choices now, and either one doesn't fit well with the other side. Being the middle person is not easy, eh. I realise it's not always possible to keep both sides happy.

As prasad's latest post, i too don't feel it either. I don't feel like i'm going to leave this country in a little more than 2 months. I don't feel like i'm not going to see these friends much for the next couple of years. I don't feel like soon, i'll be in a totally foreign place with accents i could not comprehend.

I'm just deluding myself into thinking everything would last. That's what we call denial.

--

Much of our talk yesterday focused on one issue. One of the mysteries of life, we'll say, and perhaps we'll never understand why.

Later that night, the question was brought up. "Is there a point when being patient becomes stupid?"

I guess that's why they say patience is a virtue. One can never get enough of a virtue, can they? But there is a difference between being patient and being naive. If you tolerate someone out of sincerity for a friendship, it's patience. If you tolerate someone out of the belief that he'll change, that's naivety. And naive.. is just a polite way of saying stupid. You get the drift.

Ignored, unappreciated, unacknowledged, we still do what we think is the right thing. And we're still trying in the hope that one day, he'll realise what we're doing and done for him.

Maybe everyone will say we're being stupid.

But i sincerely believe we're not. We're just being friends.

Even when he doesn't see it.

Sigh.

--

ps - sitting in Paul's car was.. fun. haha

time to wake up and save the world

picture by NASA. taken off universetoday.com.

Earth.

Is an amazing place.

From the living creatures to the rampaging tornadoes, from continents made of ice to the unexplored depths of the sea.

There's always that place to see, that moment to witness. That mineral to mine, that species to kill off.

Forests are being scraped off the face of earth every day. Natural resources are being drained and turned into toxic wastes. Since the first human walked the earth, we have found ever more ways to exploit the planet we stood on.

We were said to be the heirs to this planet. We made full use of everything around us, as if Earth was ours by birth rights. Egoistically foolish, humans are. Everywhere humans set afoot, species became extinct, the resources are drained dry, landscapes became populated with concrete inhabitants.

If we had inherited this planet, maybe we should start learning how to take care of it.

The world needs saving. Everyone wants to save the world.

But not everyone wants to make an effort or just give up their comforts. If saving the world just needs us to sit on the couch watching TV or in front of the computer exercising our fingers, earth would have been saved a thousand times over.

Sad, that in this age of comfort, we have grown complacent and ignorant.

Still, there's always hope it's not too late. Even though the phrase 'not too late' has been repeated for the past decades, at least hope gives us a glimmer of possibility, that we were not intended as the self-destruct timer of this planet.

Recycle. Walk, cycle, run. Turn off. Plug off. Reject plastic bags. Reduce waste. Grow a tree. Throw sensibly. Buy less. Eat less. Avoid materialistic pursuits. Save electricity. Conserve water. Do something.

Earth is smaller than we think.

And it's going to be a long time we will be here.

We should make our stay a boon, instead of a bane to the planet, at least?

After all, we love the world we live in.

Wake up. Save the world.

In conjunction with World Earth Day, 22 April.

Funny thing, that i was supposed to be hating you for forgeting my birthday. Maybe even start plotting how to exact my revenge. Haha. Tau lah, i wished you late this year.. but you forgot mine sobs sobs.

Scumbag. :P

Haha yes, it's funny too how we knew each other before we knew each other, didn't we?

Well, i'm sure the others won't understand .. yet.

But thank you, yih seong.

What you've said to me, i'm moved to tears.

Thank you.

just a note

Amazingly, up to a tenth of all visitors to this blog ended up here because of the baby rabbits photos.

--

Will be back home Senai in 20 hours i hope. Gotta bring back some documents and hand in the study grant application letter.

Meanwhile i have a health screeening part-time job coming up tomorrow (technically today, in 10 hours). Told me i need to do the blood pressure measurement. Should be easy. Good experience for me as well, since i have done it like less than 10 times in my whole LIFE. Haha. Wait, that might be a bad thing for me tomorrow =/.

And PC Fair's on as well, guess i'll drop by KLCC before i head back.

Will blog when i reach home safely tomorrow. To everyone reading, have a great weekend! (:

The '9th-of-April's - flashback of the senaiboy days

4 years ago, on this day. The 9th of April 2004.

hi ppl!

juz decided to try blogging...actually i wanted to start entering entries a few months ago (i even signed up here) but i dunno wat happened to my plan :P...guess the same thing happens to everything i've plannedneway hello 2 everybody reading this! (tho i doubt even any1 will read this but...oh well that's not the point rite). hope i can keep this up...hehebtw it's my 18th birthday today...jeremy wished me happy birthday at 1 something a.m. wonder if he hadn't sleep or woke up juz 4 dat...neway my bro also wished me...khai sean sent me a card which i can't open (but i appreciate his effort :) )...PS - yea i can c all the wishes starting to come in...but...but...where r my presents?? hehe i'm very greedy am i :P...

With that, the Blog was born. Yup my blog shares the same birthday as me :). Back then it was a diary sorta thing, up till after college. Originally hosted on Diaryland - it's still there, amazingly. Funny thing after coming to IMU, my blog becomes mostly filled with random thoughts instead.

4 years ago i was back home in Senai, sitting in front of the computer as the clock struck 12am, and it was my 18th birthday. Back then i just entered college after my SPM. Fresh-faced after SPM, enjoying every second in college. It was a really big change from studying in secondary school. Ah and of course, the new found freedom.

--

3 years ago, on this day. The 9th of April 2005.

Took a nap after dinner and woke up around 12am. Watched a bit of tv with Ashok till 1am, then Paul came barging in O.o (some things never change..sigh haha). Jem brought a cake back...which Yong Chen bought earlier right after our dinner. Didn't even realise you bought a cake..thanx =). It was a cake with a shitload of fruits on it. Haha...i never really liked fruits =P but the cake was really nice, thank you all. No customary 3-4 this time around (the barbarians aren't around haha =P), only a punch from Paul...said it was from Chow >=(. I'll get you for that...both of you =P. Anyway, thanks again to Yong Chen, Ashok, Jem and Paul...thank you all for celebrating me birthday with me =). And thanks to everyone who wishes me birthday, be it too early or too late it doesn't really matter ;).

After literally dug the whole cake and stuffed it into our mouths, we decided to go cc (surprise, surprise haha). No DotA this time (everyone's had enough of it edi), so we tried to finish 'castle' once more for the sake of Jem, Paul and Tiong. Wanted to blanja them actually, but the game dragged on for more than 3 hours O.o. That bloody Arthas juz won't die sigh. Don't know if i brought enough for everyone..so in the end i only paid for Jem. Sorry for that...i promise i'll blanja next time k? But we enjoyed the game...really funny to see how we try to work together =P

PS - Btw Tiong...sorry if we put too much pressure on you during the game ;)

I was in Subang Jaya. In 121D to be exact. My birthday was right on the last day of A2 trials, so half of the 'Middle Earth-ians' weren't around. Celebrated with a cake with Jem, Paul, Yong Chen and Ashok, before we head off to cybercafe to play 'castle'.

That was a year filled with CC sessions (DotA, castle), late night roundtable sessions, Melur mamaking sessions, Vivino, 'Garfield', Nazguls, Kak Jernehs, tremors from earthquake, dengue, 3-4s, futsal, flying birthday cake, The Sacrifice of the Terroroise, Spongebobs, Queer Eyes, Battle for Anne's Love, Ms Ho, Paul yawning loudly in class, Jeremy eating peas for dinner, Sky Force, CC, CC, and CC.

I missed this year the most of all. College years.. 121D.. PM1.. it was a small birthday celebration, but i love you guys. Not in that way. Please. Haha.

But i still miss everyone in 121D..

--

2 years ago, on this day. The 9th of April 2006.

My birthday started with lunch with my parents at our fav 'Kuay Teow Kia' stall, then a 35 minutes wait for the bus that came late -.- . I swear i could've pounced on the driver and pummel his head on sight.. but then it's my birthday, so i decided to let him go this time =P

Reached Bukit Jalil at round 5.30pm, went out for dinner then came back and camp in front of my com. After a while Wy Keat came up to my place.. with beers! =D Hehe.. we spent a while talking and drinking beer in my room before Chia Huan called me for a 'Helen Keller meeting' at Ben's place. I believed there was a meeting.. really! =P haha..

Finished A-Levels, ended up in IMU with a bunch of PM1-ians (Jem, Paul, Yih Seong, Chow). I was halfway through Semester 2 when i hit the 20s. And it was a really different birthday from what i was used to.

My second birthday present i can remember (the first was a stamp album damn long ago). Canon A620. Damn right i'm happy to get it. That was the exact one i wanted.

The one undrank can of beer left by Wy Keat. It's still with me (:

The biggest group of people i celebrated my birthday with. I'm sincerely touched by everyone's thought and efforts.

The first year of IMU. When everyone was still getting to know everyone. Orientation. SHIT. The first IMU Cup. Tai-chi. Got to know Chia Huan and Shin Yin through Tai-chi. The two great friends i really admire for their own reasons. I miss the times when we were first learning Tai-chi. Pity the times ended the way it did.

Maybe this will be the turning point in my life. The time i decided to take hold of myself and determine how my future gonna be.

Birthdays are there to tell you had lived another year.
Birthdays are there as an excuse for celebrating.
Birthdays are there to remind your friends of you.
Birthdays are there to remind you of yourself.

My 20th birthday. Happy Birthday to me.

And senaiboy matured just a wee bit more.

And just got bigger (:

--

1 year ago, on this day. The 9th of April 2007.

Home again. After more than 2 months i suppose. Feels far longer than that. People would have been surprised to know i didn't come home because i was homesick. More like because i wanna see my parents and grandma. Felt like wanting to see them again.

Much had happened since the last post. For one, i am officially an adult. Yay. But none of me felt 21. Yeah, i'm pretty much in denial haha. Age is just a state of mind =P. Kena 'orientated' in IMU's parking lot. Much thanks to those who went to all the trouble to torment me. Especially Jackie.. sob sob to think i trusted you haha. Really, thanks everyone =).

Sitting quietly in my room, i was called down for basketball by Yih Seong. And then 'escorted' to IMU's parking lot, where i was ragged. Sobs. Haha. Got a big pillow as my present. And a pig-shaped card made by Chia Huan. Haha.

Then, we were all in Semester 4. That time almost everyone knew each other already, and we formed a close-knit 'family'. IMU Cup followed, cheerleading the only one i joined, and i was proud to have. Love thy batch M205.

--

This year. 9th of April 2008.

Was quietly working away at my com. And then the gang came. Hehe.

Brought Secret Recipe brownies, and U Hu! Hu! cakes too. Guess everyone was rather full, left so much cake now for me to finish. Haha in keeping up with the current trend of the others here.. 'i'm getting fat!' :P

Thanks Prasad, Ben, Mus, Chee Mei, Yew Wen (:. I couldn't stop smiling when i see you guys outside the room haha. Though the lame jokes that night almost killed me, i admit that's the most laughter i get in some time. So few of us left here, still, thanks for celebrating my birthday with me this year (:

And many thanks to the others who wished me as well, not excluding Jem, my longest serving old classmate friend, enjoying himself in Aus now. And Winnie, Paul and Chia Huan (haha). Kiwi-land's Chow Chow! LiewYenEit, HuiLin, KherDee, ShinYin. Yun, SiauYing, Kalpana, Thinesh, Jia Lin, Eric, Dheepan, Chuihan. Lishun. And Chung Kia who wished me 2 times on 2 different days before my birthday haha. (sorry if i missed out anyone.. i'm getting older, you know. haha)

10th April - i was at work when Boon Shih called me all the way from Melbourne. Wanted to prank call me but his name appear on my handphone still. Haha. Many many many many thanks Boon.. i know we haven't talked in years, but you still called to wish me. That made my day. (:

--

And a happy 22nd birthday to myself.

22 is the number!

ps - not forgetting of course, happy 4th year to the blog (:

and then there was 13

Feel kinda sad our once big group is dwindling down slowly. The ones left in Bukit Jalil are just me, Ben, Mus, Prasad and Chee Mei. Hui Lin was last seen shopping at Sunway Pyramid (tak ajak pun! :P), and Yew Wen was said to be Down Under settling some business. Add the 6 in Seremban, that makes 13 of us still around here.

--

31st March, Jackie flew off to Aberdeen. Seems like a little while ago, this day was still far away.. and just a few hours ago we sent him off at KLIA..

Though most probably we're going to meet up sometime in Scottish lands, it feels kinda weird to see a (another) friend walking past the gate, knowing the next time we meet will be months away. That a friend you used to see on a daily basis, now probably might be someone you see a couple of times a year at most.

That's life for you, isn't it.

--

Liew Yen Eit with his fully extended wingspan aha

Don't really have much to say right now, just here's wishing our Liew Yen Eit have a safe flight to Aberdeen (:. Remember what we asked you to do, go take a tour around UK and Europe before we go there k? You have to be our tour guide! Haha :P

ps - and bon voyage to Lydia, Deborah, Sue Ann, Kong Fui and Fabian as well! you guys enjoy your time in Scots, we'll be over pretty soon ehe

a man who does not belong

There was this homeless man near Klinik Kesihatan DBKL on the street along where i walk to my office everyday. And every time on my way to work and back, i would see him on the dirty pavement, sometimes lying down, at times sitting up.

His clothes were a very darkish brown-black, most probably due to months or years of sleeping on the streets. He had this fuzzy greying hair, sort of the one you see on Einstein. Must have looked years since he had a nice hot bath, or even just a minute of shower. His slippers were one of those white coloured with blue strap you see in pasar malam, obviously worn and close to retirement. Though most of the times i saw him, he weren't wearing them. Uncomfortable, or just trying to make them last longer, i could not have guessed.

Along with the shirt on his back, he also brings along a plastic bag, the contents of which my curiosity hadn't spurred me to peep at (homeless as he may be, he deserves respect and privacy, not a curiosity on the street for strangers to scrutinise). He had a little notebook too, and he can be seen writing on it sometimes with a black marker pen. Once i had a glance while he was writing, and it seems like a few simple chinese characters i learned in kindergarten. 人 人 人 人 ...

Sometimes, i would see him holding onto his left arm. Sometimes he would hit his left arm slightly, slapping it like it wasn't listening to him. There was a suppurated wound on his left elbow, but he didn't seem to be in much pain from it. I thought he had some neurological problem affecting his left arm, but i hadn't notice any twitch or tic so far.

And everyday, people walked past him, oblivious to him, as he is to them. Maybe one or two kind hearts looked at him with sympathy, but most i would dare say look on with just pity in their eyes. Among the passers-by with their busy lives and hectic schedules, the man just sits there, seemingly in his own time and space. This world he lives in, has totally forgotten about him, lost in the currents of time.

What could have driven this man to this sorry state? Behind that dirty, unkempt appearance, there was a story that possibly, no one ever knew, or even remembered.

--

This day last week, it was raining very heavily. True that it'd been raining everyday since a fortnight before, but this time, the sky's tears did not stop falling even for a minute. I had to stay in the office a little longer to wait for an interval where i could rush to the train station with an umbrella as my shield.

Seeing the rain would not relent, i couldn't give a heck and just walked all the way as quickly as i could. Ended up with my shoes wet, and the bottom half of my jeans drenched.

As i walked past the junction where the homeless man stayed, he was nowhere to be seen.

Unsurprisingly, he must have found shelter somewhere nearby.

But the following days, he was not there around his usual place anymore.

Would anyone had noticed his disappearance? Would anyone had cared?

He was but just a forgotten man, lost in time and space.

the day we headed south

Yesterday was Awal Muharram, which signifies the start of the Muslim year or calendar, Muharram, which also coincides with Prophet Muhammad's journey from Mecca to Medina on the first of Muharram in 622AD.

For us, it meant public holiday! Wee! Haha.

So since it's a holiday for us working people in Bukit Jalil and the studying people in Seremban, we decided to head south to invade their houses (:

Prasad took the wheel, me, Mus and Chee Mei made up the rest of the invaders. Got there earlier than we expected, had to wake Yih Seong up half groggy half asleep to guide us to their house. Aha sorry mate disturb ya on a pub hols.

Summarising things up, what we did there was went to the most happening place there, Jusco Seremban 2 and had lunch, saw someone with someone there, went visit Kherdz's house, had cendol, then back to the 'family' house, dinner at a halal tai thong restaurant, before the four of us head back to Bukit Jalil.

--

Really missed the Seremban gang, and the big gatherings. Even though there's only half of the full roll call there in Seremban yesterday, it is really great to see all of them again after so long. Much of their talk now shifted to hospital postings and stuff tho, while the four of us seem kinda noobish there haha.

Loads of gossip news from Seremban too, right from bitchings to the makes-and-breaks haha. Especially funny how rumors appear from nowhere lol. And how little we know about our (ex)batchmates for 2.5 years, surprisingly.

At least things seem much more interesting over there. Bukit Jalil doesn't really have enough 'material/victims' to stir up bitchings =/. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing, well that depends. Haha =P

Here's thanks to our hosts in Seremban, Yih Seong, Winnie, Paul, Chung Kia, Kher Dee, and Wei Loong. Hope we could make another trip down again sometime soon, with Ben, Hui Lin and Yew Wen as well next time around (:

--

Guess i should update more on things over here for the 'family' members overseas. Everyone seems pretty busy themselves that contact aren't as frequent as it'd been.

ps - oh yeah Hui Lin.. the Seremban gang haven't got their own internet yet, so i guess the e-mail circle plans gotta wait? =/

pps - oh and here's thanks to Yih Seong for clicking on the ad on my blog so religiously, i shall blanja you mamak once i get the money (if i even get it in the first place haha)

of rainy-and-sunny land

I stood along the corridor, unable to take a step further. It was a couple of minutes past 6pm, right after my work shift is over.

It was raining heavily.

I looked to the sky and watched the rain clouds floated past high over me. The setting sun, on the further side of my vision, shined brightly still.

Another ten of minutes later, the rain stopped.

--

This, is my home. I can't imagine me myself being anywhere else.

This weather, this cities, this food, this roads, this people, this atmosphere, this rain.

Maybe i was just a frog under a coconut shell, for never having seen outside the boundaries of my own country Malaysia. But one thing i know, this is where i was born, where i grew up, and where i will die. Tanah tumpahnya darahku.

Perhaps this sudden sense of patriotism came about because soon, for the next couple of years or so, my feet will not touch this land more than a couple of weeks a year. Probably even much less.

I just received my offer letter from University of Dundee Medical School last week.

21st July, that's when a new chapter of my life starts. Leaving behind all things comfortable and familiar, i wasn't sure if i made the right choice not to go on with my switch to Seremban Clinical School. But decision's made, the path is chosen, and what's left is up to me myself to tread it.

--

Right now, it always felt like there's a clock somewhere ticking away my time left here. Seconds, minutes, hours, days closer to my departure. I know i'm not ready at all right now, if not for the months ahead for me to prepare i would have been a lost sheep when i get there. baa..

Still, much things to do, letters to type, arrangements to settle, decisions to make.

I just wish life isn't changing this fast.

--

Other note: am amazed that Veejay remembers me. haha. i know i was very quiet/shy/antisocial when i was in primary school, so i thought most people wouldn't have even known i existed.

but maybe that's another story for another day :)

MY: general elections 2008

Indeed, any Malaysian would have known bout it by now. Personally, i, too never have thought everyone could be so -for lack of better word- united. United in their showing of dissatisfaction at the ruling coalition, of course.

While i was never interested in politics, and could never had name any single politician (besides the obviouslah) before this, i still find myself clicking the refresh button on the news page of malaysiakini furiously every minute that fateful night.

And as the results came on one by one, i was amazed at how much the winds of favor had blown towards the opposition. I did expect the public to show their dissatisfaction in the ballot boxes, but denying the ruling coalition of a two third majority, that simply means something is wrong with the ruling coalition. Very wrong.

In fact, starting two weeks ago, anyone who read the newspaper couldn't have possibly not sense something amiss. It got to such a disturbing extent that i had to stop reading them for the whole week leading up to the election. Fair coverage? Yeah, and i couldn't flip a page without stumbling over an accusation of empty promises or threat of chaos and instability.

And some even resorted to childish tactics as well, right here in Sri Petaling. Haha is it any surprise who won the seats?

Still, as much as the ruling coalition had failed to retain the public's favor, i still do wonder how would the 3 opposition parties work together. Good thing that going for an islamic country was dropped from one of the party's manifesto for this year (we chinese can't live without pork! :P). But different ideologies, different leaders, a compromise is for sure but it does remain to be seen how everything'll work out =/

I just hope this change means good things to come.

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On March 8, 2008, i should had been eligible for voting. But i didn't register myself. I wasn't political-savvy at all, and i thought me casting my vote will be like casting blindly. I didn't want to grow up, i was in denial that it's time i become an adult. But i can't always close my eyes and face away all my life, ya?

I should have made the effort to see what's happening around me. I should have thought about how my country is doing. Should've been start caring and stop being an ignorant child.

Many things had happened this election. Indeed, it has been history in the making.

For me, i guess i finally grew up =)

mid-holiday depression syndrome

There was an ulat in my lunch.

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Seriously that's about as exciting as work can get haha. Okay, it's not actually THAT bad since my colleagues are really fun people to work with.. if i could stand hearing 'First Love' playing everyday from the secretary-cum-office-DJ's music blaring.

There's a new girl in the office as well, working for HR department.. which consists of her and her alone. Which means before this there was never a HR department. Aha guess it's really a small company..

.. and i got my first paycheck yesterday! Wee! After travelling an hour to and another from the office everyday and working 8.5 hours a day for the past 2 weeks.. i got a whopping RM616.41! Which, after i deduct the money spent on transport and food during the same time.. leaves me a profit of RM50. siiiiggghhh ..

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On to other news.. we finally have a car in IMU! Thanks Chee Mei's daddy! Haha. Now we don't have to wait for taxi or walk all the way to Sri Petaling for mamak supper anymore.. =)

I kinda miss the old days sometimes, just for the company we had.. though now isn't so bad either. At least i don't have exams to study for, lectures to sleep in, CSU to be scolded for, PBL to be wiki-ed, and the like. And with Ben, Chee Mei and Mustaqim around, it does feel kinda home-y.. huddling together like a small bit of the family left stranded here haha

..

But for the past couple of days i've been feeling out of place, felt like just dive head first into work and not care bout anything. Like i've become a workaholic and i can't do anything else besides work anymore. Maybe it's the realisation that i'm not earning as much as i thought i was.. or maybe i can't wait to work because i don't want that feeling to tug at me. The feeling like i'm missing a part of me..

Doesn't help finding out second phase starts on July 21st (from Wai Kien's sister). Shucks. I know we're gonna leave in mid-July, but something bout finding out when exactly my freedom ends just made me all gloomy inside (just like the hazy KL right now) :(

ps - tomorrow's election day, which means holiday to us ignorant citizens who 'forgot' to register for it haha :P

pps - see the ad above? They're even selling land there O.o

work, work.

An old draft sitting in my blogger for some time now. Backdated post.

I give up. Trying to blog has become so hard these days that every single draft i created in the past week never made past the first sentence. Sigh.

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So actually i had gotten a temporary job, an office job, somewhere in Cheras. Initially me and Mus were working together at the company.. i sort of registered and got the same work for him as well. Haven't really got to know any of the co-workers till now, but at least i could remember most of their names already. No it didn't help that there were like 10 people altogether in the whole department :P

I don't really know what 'titles' or 'positions' we were given actually (i guess we were called temp boys.. which sounds.. er). I don't even know what the other colleague's jobs are. Dad said for all i know, they could be dealing with 'dirty' money. -.- Haha but basically we were working in the Accounts department, sorting, filing, writing, typing, filling, checking, photostating, printing, checking, double-checking, asking, eavesdropping, chatting on msn, laughing at people's names, disturbing each other, sleeping, looking bored, acting busy.. you get the drift.

It's going into the second week of work for me now, though Mus had suddenly been fired unemployed relieved of his job as of today due to unknown reasons (i tell you.. it's face problem haha :P). Incidentally, he was thinking of quitting anyway =/. Work is gonna get more boring from now on .. yawns. Mus was the only source of entertainment after all.

Did notice the environment was very relaxed tho.. and most of them seem pretty happy and cheerful, particularly Flora and Julia. Aha all of them were friendly and helpful too.. i must have disturbed each one of them with dozens of questions everyday. That's for being such a noob in the office. Gotta be grateful to have such tolerant colleagues =)

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In a couple of days we're going to have another reunion mamak session. Paul and Yih Seong's coming over.. wee

oh and a happy belated birthday to the bonze, Yih Seong who turned 22 yesterday. i know you missed me. haha

senaiboy is a temp boy!

On Valentine's Day, no less.

- to be blogged haha this be the busiest day in a looong time -

quote unquote

.. Watching school guys and girls walking in and out the gate, i wonder if they know that they are actually creating memories. They probably don't realise that they're living in memories of their future.

taken off Siau Ying's blog post

Meaningful quote i found on my batchmate, Siau Ying's blog :)

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Update: 2am.

Me, Prasad, Chee Mei and Mustaqim had mamak for suppa at the usual place, Ajimal at 12am. And the talk went from friends to politics to gossips.

As Prasad said, IMU just seem different now.. feels different. Maybe it is a sign of change. We're super-seniors already after all. I'm still getting used to it. Super-seniors. We ARE old, aren't we? :(

In a while we could have a mini reunion of sorts. Ben will be back in around 12 hours, Paul's coming over to stay in KL for a couple of days on 27th. Yew Wen's already in Vista, and Huilin's home in TTDI sort-of-nearby.

I miss everyone.

ps - wonder how Chow's doing. we haven't hear a thing from him since he left.

job hunting

4 hours of walking around Bukit Bintang. Seriously i've never been to so many malls in a day before aha. By the end of it all i could think of was a warm bed in a cold room under the air conditioner. I could have slept there in one of the malls if there was a bed within reach.

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So. Finally set about looking for work. Have absolutely no idea where or how to start, so i ajak-ed along another clueless guy.. Mustaqim! ..which didn't help much haha. But at least there's two lost boys in Bukit Bintang now..

Took the LRT to Times Square around 10.30am, had our brunch at McD's, then walked around the mall. And walked around the mall. And walked around the mall.

Then out of Times, crossed the road to Lowyat (Mus wanna check out some shop), walked directionless in search of Pavillion (i don't know where we were 90% of the time), then checked out Bintang Walk, BB Plaza, Imbi Plaza, KL Plaza, Lot 10, Sungei Wang. Swear i didn't know so many malls could be crammed into such a small area. Whoa.

Still.. after all that walking and all that looking and all that asking, we end up with nothing. From Starbucks to Giordano to Dome and we still couldn't get one :(. Heh easier to say looking for jobs than really look for jobs..

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Tomorrow gotta go for the Starbucks' interview at Times Square (again!). Hopefully something worthwhile will come out of it :)

Edit (12.2.2008) - no go. they wanted someone who can work for at least a year. sigh :(

ps - guess what, i found out something interesting yesterday.. which made me feel really noob at the same time. my laptop had a CD/DVD burner built in all along! -.-

pps - Jem's in Tasmania and Chia Huan's in Melbourne already :(. and i didn't get to send off both. sowee. hope you two are having fun over there.. all the best!

'tis the year of the rat

Happy Chinese New Year to all! -- On other notes, will be going back to KL tomorrow, and likely going to stay there for the next couple of months. Gotta look for work to save up a lil bit of money to buy stuff before leaving for UK. A lot of things worthy of note happened since the last post, like me making a 'conman' fumble for words, me being back home, me going around JB and being reminded of all the memories, me shopping for new year clothes (at last count.. one jacket and one t-shirt - my parents almost died of frustation for me to find some clothes at the mall haha).

But i'm too lazy to blog :P. Maybe some other day la.

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For now, here's wishing you a prosperous new year ahead! And may everyone gets loads and loads of ang pow! :)

holiday updates (comics!)

4 weeks. It's been almost 4 weeks since the end of EoS.

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Mustaqim left the apartment 12 hours ago. By tomorrow (today actually, seeing it's already Tuesday) hopefully my cousin-in-law will be free to pick up my furniture, then i'll have to contact the agent to hand back the apartment.

Hand back my our apartment. Haha funny.. though it was never ours, i still felt reluctant to give back the keys to the apartment. It was my home for so so long after all, it almost felt like my own apartment.

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And after that, if all goes according to plan and i do not procrastinate again, i'll go to Times Square by train on Wednesday to start looking for job vacancies. Mus wanted to work too, but lazy bum doesn't want to go out and find :P. Haha ok la, i'll let you know if i found any, k?

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Recently 'acquired' a new interest. Probaby due to the intense boredom of rotting at home doing nothing. Loooong holidays really IS boring without anything planned. Maybe i should be like a particular Wei Ling who was going to, i quote her, *takes deep breath* 'do part time job (relief teaching) mainly at the ballet school, helping to tutor this kid from her church, go for a trip to china this april to help needy people, then try to apply for hospital attachment, and meeting up with people on a regular basis and spending time with people.' Haha, THAT, is a holiday well planned.

Mine? I plan to find a temporary job to keep me occupied for a few months. That's it haha.

But i digress.

So what is this new interest actually? It's comics! No, not those Japanese manga. I mean the Marvel comics :)

Had always seen the reviews on newspaper on these comics, but never had the chance to read them. And to think they date back to before i was even born. Haha but it's obvious why i never get to read this comics of course. Financial reasons :(

Which is why i had always been grateful for the miracle that is BitTorrent. And yes boys, it is illegal to upload/download any form of copyrighted media, comics included. If i had the money to spare i would have bought these instead of resorting to download them =/

List of comics i've been reading/planning to read [+/-] :
Marvel Zombies
What If..
Civil War
X-Men Fairy Tales
Spider-man Fairy Tales
Avengers Fairy Tales (yet to be released)
Grimm Fairy Tales
Grimm Fairy Tales: Return to Wonderland
Ultimate X-Men
Ultimate Fantastic Four
Ultimate Iron Man
Ultimate Spider-man
Ultimates
Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk (unfinished series)
World War Hulk

That said, 2008 onwards is going to be filled with comics-based movies!

List of upcoming comics-based movies [+/-] :
Iron-Man (2nd May 2008)
The Incredible Hulk (13th June 2008) - Hulk 2 (actually they're starting all over again)
Hellboy 2 : The Golden Army (11th July 2008)
The Dark Knight (18th July 2008)
Dragonball (15th August 2008)
Punisher 2 : War Zone (12th September 2008)
The Flash (2008?)
Constatine 2 (2008?)
XIII (2008?)
Thor (2009)
Magneto (2009)
X-Men Origins : Wolverine (2009)
Spider-Man 4 (2009)
Transformers 2 (2009)
Silver Surfer (2009)
Luke Cage (2009)
Sin City 2 (2009)
Wonder Woman (2009)
Captain America (2009)
Superman: Man of Steel (2009)
G.I. Joe (2009) - oh man oh man i watched this cartoon when i was small!
Nick Fury (2010)
The Surrogates (2010)

Just look at that. Guess comics is the 'in' thing right now haha.

disorganised thoughts

You asked me why i sighed.

I told you it's because i had to clean up the apartment.

I meant it's because i had to clean up the apartment where i lived in for the past 2.5 years.

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I'm back in Vista Komanwel, Bukit Jalil now. Came up with my parents to send my brother off to Melbourne. He said this time he bought a one-way ticket. It just add to the morbid feeling that's been tugging at me ever since. He doesn't know when he'll come back again.

As we were about to leave Senai, my grandma stood outside waving goodbye to us. Then she waved goodbye to my brother.

And i saw it.

The sadness in her eyes. The smile on her face that hid her sorrow.

I wanted to cry.

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Most of the stuff in my apartment had already been moved out, the only things left are furniture waiting to be picked up by my cousin-in-law. I had to throw out most of the stuff. Bits and pieces i accumulated over the past 2.5 years. Bits and pieces of my memories here. The nostalgic me tried to save all i could, but the rational me knew there's no point in holding on to the past.

Orientation booklets, an invitation from Denise to her church's Christmas celebration, the ticket to 8TV's Summer Live Concert i went with Chuihan, ang pows i collected from lion-dancing, name tag from Mount Kinabalu's climb, wushu-ninjutsu lanyards, Rahel's old blouse (don't ask!), just to name a few.

Each and every piece held a memory i had, memories i never want to lose. 5 years on, would i still remember what i did in IMU? 10 years on, would i still remember the faces of these guys and girls so dear to me?

I always found comfort in familiarity. That's why i'm not looking forward to what's coming. Or has already came.

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Timothy left. Chui Han left. Chow left. Jeremy and Chia Huan leaving next on 9th Feb. One by one leaving Malaysia. It's like watching the water in the well drying up. Slowly, but there's nothing you can do to stop it.

I hate this feeling.

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It's great to see one of my housemates one more time, the crazy one haha. Being in a half-empty apartment with everything packed up can be very depressing, if not for Mustaqim around doing silly things and making lame jokes. At least it did made me smile :).

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I have absolutely no idea what my next step will be after handing back the apartment to the agent. Would like to stay and find a job of course, but family definitely want me back for chinese new year. But after chinese new year i guess it'll be harder to find work to do. I'm just so undecided.

And then there's the issue of preparation to go to Dundee. IELTS, visas, accommodation, offer letter, it's enough to wreck this sloth's head. I'm so lazy to plan and settle everything. Sigh.

I would trade this freedom and independence if i could just have another chance to relive the past 2.5 years in IMU.

I miss everyone.