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Monday, 16 July 2007

a look on life (part II)

... continued from previous post


Much like how my life has changed, and everyone around me. I woke up at 6am, and the first thought that ran thru my mind was how my parents had aged. They had been working their *** off ever since us 3 brothers were born. Probably even before. Just for a hope for a better education for us.

If not for Lee Foundation, i would not even be studying medicine. Typical chinese family, studying medicine seems like the greatest achievement a chinese can get. Haha. I guess we did made our grandma really proud for me and my brother to be on our way to become doctors. I still remember how she smiles each time i told her i got an A in an exams. That was the greatest reward for me each time.

How time has aged my grandma. I remember she was a rather plump woman years before when us 3 were still small. Now each time i got back, she seems to have lost more weight. She always say she didn't have appetite to eat much. Maybe it's because of her diabetes as well. The last time i was back, she had to sent her urine to check for microalbuminuria. Once it appears in the urine, it's a sign that the kidneys are beginning to fail. There is no 'cure', only delaying the inevitable kidney failure 5,10 years down the road. I didn't ask how the results was. I don't know if i really want to know.

Her eyesight wasn't getting better. Diabetic retinopathy. She's losing sensation in her feet. Diabetice neuropathy. She hasn't eaten anything even remotely sweet in years. Imagine eating bland food, drinks without sugar for the rest of your life. Occasionally she would get a sip of some soft drink, or just something sweet like a bite of ice cream. That's the only sweetness her tastebuds can taste. I know i shouldn't be letting her, but i can't bear to stop her.

Last time we were hyperactive kids running around outside the house and she would always chase us with a spoon of our dinner. Haha. Grandma had been the one taking care of us 3 brothers all the time while our parents went to work. Now, it is time for us to take care of her.

How time has aged my parents. From my first day in primary school, till now. They have always been there. The proudest moment i remember was in Standard 4, when i made a clean sweep of most of the trophies given for academic excellence. More than 10 i guess. Jeng Khay told me i beat him by just one trophy. Haha. They are all displayed on a big cabinet facing our house's front door. Typical chinese family. Haha.

Now years on, my parents were showing signs of the times. Wrinkles had started to show on their faces. My mum used to pluck her white hair, and everytime i would be eager to help her. That was like 5,6 years ago. She has since stopped plucking her white hair. There's just more and more of them. She's just dyeing her hair black every once in a while now.

Dad's hair is thinning. The last time i had my haircut at our ol' faithful barber, he told me my hair is just like my dad's, thinner on the crown, and when i get old my hair will bald like his. It was a shock to me, to know some day i will be bald. But then i realised, my dad's already there.

How time has grown me and my brothers up. We used to be kids playing Lego and Lasy together, roleplaying our numerous soft toys, fighting over who should play the computer. Ah the days of innocence. We are all grown up now, the youngest celebrating his 18th birthday in 3 months time.

Us 3 brothers have been separated from each other for a few years now, since i left home to study in college. The only way we communicate now is thru MSN. And i've been playing an online game with my younger bro these days. Guess that's the only way to bridge the distance.

As i woke up today, my mind was replaying the scene when my older brother crossed the checkpoint and left on his plane to Melbourne. I remember me, my younger brother, parents, and our relatives sending him off. As we lost sight of him past the checkpoint, we went to the viewing gallery and watch as his tram took him to the departure area.

Next year, my brother would have graduated. Then it will be my turn to be on the plane. In my mind i saw myself, carrying a big backpack, luggage in stow, walking towards the departure gate. I felt sad.

How time has made the distance between friends grow. What used to be close friends in primary, secondary school, now are just acquaintances. A few who are still close by stayed in contact, but those faraway were less and less heard. All of us are busy with our own things, and we gotta move on with our lives. Make new friends, lose old ones. Except i don't believe we really lose our friends. The only thing we lost is contact, but our friends are always there.

Soon, one of my closest friends, Wy Keat will be leaving for Edinburgh. He's already survived IMU Bukit Jalil, that lucky bastard. Haha. He's the guy who brought me beer on my 20th birthday. Made me drink and got my face red and everyone was laughing at me at my surprise party. Haha. I got another can of beer he gave in my fridge still. Though we don't really see each other much even in the same uni, soon i won't even get to see him for years. Man. Next year i won't even be seeing most of my friends in uni now. Sigh.

Some day before exams i got a nudge on MSN from someone i hadn't expected. Well, it was 5am in the morning. Haha. Both of us still hasn't slept yet, he finishing up his assignment, me studying at the last minute. The first time we ever chatted with each other since we left EC. He said i looked different. I'll say he looked the same. Haha. Seems like he's getting himself really busy with uni and other stuff. I guess everyone is =).

Funny that he would nudge me at that time, maybe coz i was the only one awake besides him lol. Still, it's really nice to hear from him again. He lightened up my gloomy studying hours. Benjamin Yap Jake Eu. You still got my name wrong. Haha =P.

Ah and Wy Keat.. i still owe you Food Ave's Oreo Milkshake. ^^"

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