a look on life (part I)

You know you have grown up when you wake up at 6 in the morning and think about your life so far.

It's 5.43am in the morning and i woke up.

It's very rare for me to wake up after the first alarm, let alone before. But somehow today, i only slept for 3 hours. The shortest time i have slept in a day for almost forever. Yet i guess this is the soundest sleep i got in a long long time.

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Our third exams in 3 months, Renal ICA. Won't comment on the paper, but i guess i could have studied the stuff i thought weren't important. Principles of drug treatments. I totally did not remember anything from there, i thought it was just common sense. Turns out i don't have common sense. Haha. I didn't even know how to answer the questions. Ah well.

Just a few days before my exams, i got my biology clock screwed up. Began sleeping later and later each day, until the day before exams, i slept at 10am. Wasn't planning on sleeping, but i gave up. Bound at home with an ankle sprain for 2 weeks, i have nothing to do at home besides study and turn on my computer. I could almost die at home if i study just a little bit more. I was at my threshold of studying. Any more and i'll lose my mind.

Which is why after the exams, i felt relieved. I forgot how this felt like, to have passed another hurdle. It just seems the run stretched forever, infinite hurdles before me. I did not stay for the 'feedback' session (more like answer-giving session -.-). I just could not care what the answers are. I felt.. free.

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We got our Repro ICA results right after the exams. 126 of 180 in my batch got A, 30+ got A- (according to Chia Huan's blog, i didn't check). Scary. It puts so much pressure on us to study harder, especially us who're going to PMS. I admit i was intimidated. I hadn't been doing as well as most people since i came into IMU, frankly. My results fluctuate like the temperature here. Probably cause i wasn't the consistently hardworking type.

I got my first consecutive A ever since i came into IMU.

I can't say how happy i was. This meant a lot to me. Forget the fact that probably this is just another A for those straight A students, forget the fact that maybe more than half the batch got the same thing. I studied more than i could for this semester, i tried not to slack. 2 weeks of solid studying before exams. It paid off. As i took the lift down, i celebrated my results for the first time ever in my life. It was just an A in one paper, but it meant everything to me.

You see, by the end of this semester, our matching would start. We would be needed to list down our choice of Partner Medical Schools (PMS) to do our clinical phase. Seeing that my results from Sem1 to Sem3 were inconsistent at best, this semester's exams are my last hope. If i continued my trend of A,B,B-,A-,B+ in sem3, i would have no hope to get my first 3 choice at all.

Just another one for Renal. I need just one more.

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End of Renal means the we're reaching the end of Sem4. What's left is selectives, which we ALL will be doing History of Medicine. Not much of a 'selectives', eh. But it does seem pretty interesting. Learning how medicine changed, how it came to be the knowledge we're learning today.

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continued on next post ...

Daft Hands - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Ripped from sheenapunya.

Just watch =). You'll not want to miss this.

Daft Hands - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

To all M205-ians studying like mad for Renal ICA this Friday:

Work It Harder, Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over.

pain-ing.

Stuck in my room by a ligament in my ankle that's probably torn. This gonna take longer to heal than i thought. Lateral ankle still swollen. I could feel the water in my edematous feet yesterday when i walk around. Scary. Like it's gonna burst anytime. Lol.

Second degree lateral ankle sprain. Seems like i sprained my anterior talofibular and calcaneofibular ligament. Severity 10/10 last night. I was literally groaning on the floor. Couldn't sleep at all when the pain is overriding all my other senses, like a bad dream that won't go away. The last time i felt this bad was when i fractured my right wrist. And before that when i had a piece of my thigh's tendon excised for my eye's plastic surgery. Not fun.

Woke up a couple of times sweating. Maybe it's because of the paracetamol that i took. Didn't seem to help much. Geez. Then again they might have expired .. they were from when i had dengue and the doctors overdosed me with paracetamols.

As of today, i have skipped 1 PBL, 1 histopatho lab and 3 lectures. Can't even study since Monday with the pain in my ankle. Sigh.

Thanks for all who showed their concern, it's really heartwarming even if it's just asking how's my ankle =). Blardy sprained ankle.

ouch.

Just when i was having fun, i sprained my ankle.

Geez. Got injured during basketball practice last night. Within just 2 hours, my lateral ankle ballooned up. Could hardly even walk. Hafiz and Wei Loong said it'll hurt like hell. I thought it was just a minor sprain.. ahh me and my ego.

Not the first time i sprained my ankle tho. A pretty old injury last year i guess when i landed badly during some jump in wushu. I hope this isn't as bad as that time.. it took a couple of months to fully recover. But then that's because i keep injuring it during wushu after that. Haha, i just can't stop injuring myself -.-

Sprained ankle means i can't go for choir performance (yes! =P) tomorrow. Sorry Chia Qi. And can't go to pasar malam tonight. Sorry Wy Keat. And had to skip PBL 2 a few hours ago. Sorry PBLmates.

Hmm isn't human body the most amazing thing. Able to withstand so much torture we put ourselves to everyday. Hehe. Funny how something as small as cells can work together to sustain each other, enabling our bodies to function efficiently. Never fails to amaze me. It's like our bodies are the most efficient, self-maintaining machinery we can ever imagine.

Anyway, finally got to watch Transformers last Friday. The few movies i actually really look forward to. I still remember watching the cartoon series when i was young.. but can't seem to recall anything about it now. All i remember was my creative big brother took some Lasy pieces and made Transformers out of them. Haha. I was never the creative one in the family. Shucks.

Back to the movie.. everyone think it's the bestest movie of the year. Shoot me, but besides the transformation from various things into robots, nothing else bout it impressed me. Predictable story, cheesy jokes, boring humans. Perhaps i had extremely high expectations of it. Or maybe i just wasn't in the movie mood. Either way, the movie was good, just that i didn't feel it blew me away like it did everyone else. Yawn.

ps - from the news, it seems like hazy days are coming again. Apparently forest fires in Sumatra again. Time to drink more water everyone.. with so many people already falling sick in our batch =/

S.O.S

It's bad that Renal is a killer system, with all those physiology shit it has.

It's worse that we don't have the best lecturers to teach us those stuff.

It's worst that i slept through almost all the lectures.

Gah, save me!

a little touch on reality

Sat for Repro ICA 10 days ago. The exams itself wasn't really hard, just that i didn't expect the questions that came out. A few on risk factors, which i didn't memorise. A whole problem-based question on PCOS which we only did in PBL, which i didn't read thru either. Other than that it's ok i guess. No hope of an A tho. Hope i pass. Shucks.

Felt really weird after the exams. It's like, i don't see an end to it. I don't feel like i just jumped over another hurdle. There's no post-exam mood in me at all. I stayed home the whole weekend after the exams. Hacking away in an online game.

I was losing touch with reality. I was in denial. I can't take the exams after exams after exams. Next one just 4 weeks after the Repro exams. I really wanna just waste myself away in the game after the exams. Sigh.

Now, one week of Renal passed. Rather packed first week for me. We started training for IMU Cup too. Not that i can get a spot in the teams, but heh, it's fun to just play around.

The whole first week of Renal, i slept through almost all of the lectures. I was in no mood to learn anything, no mood to do anything at all. Guess i was sinking into depression.

So right now i'm keeping myself occupied. Maybe that way i won't be feeling depressed so much. But i do realise i'm withdrawing into myself. Detaching myself from everything. I don't want to sit for another exams.

I don't know how long i can withstand this exams after exams.

This is the way i've chosen, i can only persevere till the end. I should stop living in denial and start studying for the next exams. I will.

thoughts

It's almost 4.30am now.

Silence. Except for the whirring of the fans in my computer's CPU. The ticking of the clock on the wall. And creaking sounds in the next room. Keat How hasn't sleep yet? Hm.

A lecture note lies on my computer table while i'm typing this. Been a while since i last blogged anything i really wanted to blog about. Been a while since i even have the time to think.

Reproductive system ICA next Friday. 7, 8 weeks since Semester 4 started. I wonder where has all the time gone.

Things change. People change. Situations change. Life changes.

My younger brother has finally grown up.

My dad just started his hypertension medications.

Everyday, we kept things secret from each other. Don't ask, don't tell?

Detached.

Many thoughts on my mind. Yet no time, no time to put them down.

It's June now. A little more than half a year left to go. Feels so short, yet the destination is nowhere near.

Stress? I hvn't seen it since EoS3.

Seriously, stress would be a nice change to keep my mind occupied instead.