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Monday, 18 July 2005

You may not realised it, but sometimes you didn't even fall..

My first thought when i received the letter? Fuck. It was 14th June, exactly 6 weeks after i went to IMU. Yeah, for the interview. Can't say i have nightmares about it, but i didn't really give a good first impression either. Thinking back, going thru the interview once more in my head, it's not really surprising i got put on KIV..which is sort of a waiting list for IMU applicants, so they say. Ok i guess, i tried to be optimistic bout it. I'll just get the good news later.

The only thing is that it never came. Not the good news i've been expecting anyway. It was my bro who broke the news to me, bout a month since i received the letter from IMU. "You are given a conditional offer for the February 2006 intake. Admission into August 2005 intake will be considered based on availability."As i read my bro's SMS over and over again, the same thing just keep echoing in my head. WTF?! Before that, my hopes were high, and i've been rather happy to hear that Paul made it in just a few days ago. In fact, i had been hoping that all of us got into IMU. And then the news just smacked me in the face and brought me crashing down to earth. We all made it into IMU all right, but i'll be going in 6 months later. 6 MONTHS?! WTF am i gonna do for 6 MONTHS??. The first few hours had me in denial, wishing that my bro had heard wrongly, wishing that the admission people had gotten it wrong, wishing that this is just a nightmare i'll wake up from. Heck, if only it is.

Then it dawned on me. It's not that i'm disappointed that i won't be able to join my friends, or that i can't accept the fact that my holidays has just been extended for another 6 months. I'll still be able to see my old friends in IMU, and 6 months of holidays will make me fatter at the very least. It's my family's disappointment that i can't take... especially my parents and grandma. Perhaps that's what been driving me to do well in my studies all the time... i never want to see their disappointed faces, not if i can help it. And thank god they took the news better than i expected. They were cool bout it, and it helped me get back on my feet even before i reach the ground. Family's support, that's a great force that keeps me standing tall.

A week later, my last doubts disappeared, my denial finally over, the moment i read the first sentence of the letter from IMU i received today..
"Please find enclosed your Conditional Offer of Admission into the medical programme for the February 2006 intake."
It's confirmed then. Somehow, in a different way, receiving this letter from IMU brought me some relief. At least i got in. Phew. By the time i got this letter, i've had come to accept it. Getting into IMU in Feb next year doesn't seem as bad as it sounds initially. In fact, i've started looking forward to it now. As for the 6 months, i just saw that 7-11 in the town nearby is hiring...

If anything, this moment in my life had taught me something - sometimes, things aren't as bad as it seems. We just have to take a step back and look at the whole thing, then we'll realise most of the time we worry for nothing. This may not be a major setback in my life, but i got depressed over it for nothing, even if it's just for a few hours. Life's all about living, and feeling down all the time ain't a way of living. I keep reminding myself that.

-2.59am, 22 July 2005-

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