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Friday, 16 December 2005

To be burned out ..

A month ago i promised myself to start studying for Summatives 2. A little more than a week before Summatives 2, i burned out.

It's never happened before. Me burning out. I've always been the type to take things slowly and take my own sweet time. Reading through notes for the first time while the others are already way into their third round. Maybe what they say is right, slow and steady wins the race. At least, it proved to be the best way of studying for me.

And then Monday came. Having only finished Endocrine, with Piss, BS, and Sex to go. One weekend, 9 weekdays. I stared in horror at all the lecture notes i was supposed to cover in that short time. Too much. I stayed back in the library to study. I looked at the pile of notes in my hands. My eyes scanned through the same sentence, over and over again. My mind went blank. Those words thrown together to mean something meant nothing to me. I couldn't register what i just read seconds ago into my head. Then i realised. I couldn't study anymore.

The only time i remembered i panicked was during the ASEAN scholarship interview years ago. I remember sitting in front of 5 adults, just looking down, coz my mind's not working anymore. I couldn't think of what to say, how to answer their questions. I must've looked like an idiot sitting there not saying a word during interview.

The other time i nearly panicked was during the SPM English paper. The essay paper. I chose the question i would've liked to write about the most. I tried to plan what to write, but nothing came out. So i thought maybe if i start writing i'll get over the writer's block. Bad idea. 30 minutes since the exam started, i didn't even write an introduction yet. Palpitation. Sweat glands on my palms went into overtime. Luckily i got hold of myself after a while and changed the question, and wrote a page plus full of crap. Miraculously, i got A1 for an essay on something i would've never care - "Advantages of Television". The topic for the essay i failed to write was.. "Friends".
*flashback ends*

Back to Summatives 2. It was Monday when i burned out. I couldn't read a single sentence on the lecture note and understand it. To be unable to study with just a little more than a week to Summatives 2 doesn't make me feel good. Yet, i can't will myself to study. I stared at the stacks of papers in my file. Too much. Seconds turn minutes, minutes turn hours, hours turn days.. i was running out of time.

Today is Friday. I've not covered much since Monday, but i've gotten myself back. I realised i stressed myself out too much to finish studying after seeing how little time i had. I realised i crave for food every time i'm stressed, and peanut butter on bread is just the best thing i can make for myself. I realised Naruto is a great manga, especially fun to read with an exams just around the corner. And i realise that it wasn't me, it's just that Nilesh Kumar's notes are incomprehensible =P

PS - hehe i was just crapping, don't take me too seriously, especially when i blog =P. To all the Sem5 that've just finished their Phase 1, well, all the best to you all! =) Damn jealous of you Sem5 ppl la, having survived 5 semesters in IMU edi. Gonna miss all of you.. ^^. And to all my batchmates, STOP READING BLOGS AND GO STUDY DAMMIT!

PPS - On a side note.. my parents are coming up tomorrow! =)

PPPS - oh sorry, forgive me, i was just too stressed up. Now, go study ok? Good boy/girl! =P

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