9425: Welcome

"Welcome back." He looked at me with a smile as he hands back my passport.

A small gesture, perhaps out of habitual politeness that is so British. Yet it means something to me deep inside, I've just not figured out what. Is it a feeling of being welcomed here?

It's 3.5 years now I've been here in Scotland, and at least another 1.5 years to go. It still doesn't feel like home. Maybe it's not meant to be. This is just where I live and work after all.

I was back in Malaysia the past week, and things has changed so much beyond recognition that the sense of 'home', of belonging somewhere is slowly being eroded.

Just yesterday my dad drove by our old place in Senai. And the first home I grew up in is no longer there, its place being taken over by foliage and trees. In fact I passed it without realising.

Of course, home is where the heart is. With my family is always be where I will feel home. But like a bird that has flew away from its nest it grew up in, I need to find my own home. Somewhere I belong.

"Are you coming back?" seems to be the question every relative pop out now (before the dreaded when are you going to find someone and get married). If I'm being honest, no. Much as I love Malaysia, much as I am pseudo-patriotic, I do not intend to be back anytime soon. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to experience as much as I can. We only have this one life, and it'll be a shame to turn down the chance I've been given to open my eyes and mind.

Perhaps that answers my own question. Maybe I'm not someone who will be content settling down in one place for long. At least, not for now anyway.

At least, until I find a reason to stay behind. Someone.