i'm not yet a doctor medical student

I seem to be missing a lot of time in my life. Here i sit, in front of my computer, wondering where the hell my life has gone the past few weeks. The past few months. Years.

It's already nearing the end of May. Halfway through our Semester 2. A couple more months and we can "proudly" introduce ourselves as second year medical students. At times i think i've learned so damn much since i came into IMU. Yet sometimes, i just felt i had most likely wasted my first year as a medical student not really trying to be a medical student.

Heard the story from our lecturer PKL bout a medical student on a flight who saved the life of a lady with pneumothorax with a pair of scissors. Then during PBL yesterday Prof Robinson was talking to us bout how if we're ever unfortunate enough to be in a disaster zone when it happened, we would have been expected by the other survivors to be the leader in organising things, if we so happen to be the most 'educated' person there, even if we're only medical students.

Wonder if i could have done that if i were that medical student. Heh. Then again, i'm still in my first year, what could i have possibly know now that can save someone's life? How T-cells and B-cells provide immunity? Which parasites is transmitted thru ingestion of eggs? What is the age range for adolescents? Man, i can't even remember all the lectures that were taught in the past few months, let alone use them to save someone's life.. (not that what we learned can save someone's life anyway >.<)

Last week we had our Nursing week.. where we're required to visit the Seremban Hospital to learn bout the roles of nurses. Nothing much bout the nurses or the hospital, it's the patients that taught me more. We got to know a patient with colon cancer, who used to be a drug addict until he was diagnosed with the cancer. We saw a motor vehicle accident victim who can't even move his limbs by himself, and the nurses there had to move his limbs for him even though he's moaning all the time. An 18-year-old boy getting a chest intubation done on him, while he's conscious. A woman with an amputated leg, with the flesh still visible and skin unattached. A boy with abdominal pains. A woman with a rod fixed through her ankle. A man with swollen legs.

Every patient with a story to tell. If only we had the time to listen to them.

It disturbed me to see them suffering. To see their pain thru their eyes. The doctors, the nurses.. all of them seem so.. professional. Like they've been doing all this work since the beginning of time. Nothing seems to perturb them. Or had they become so used to this, they become desensitised? Sigh.. i'll find out soon enough i guess..

Edit - read bout the earthquake in Yogyakarta.. and bout the 3rd-, 4th-year Malaysian medical students who stayed behind there to help out. They didn't have enough doctors there, so medical students were roped in to help treat the victims. Man.. wish i can be just like them.. to be able to help out when needed.. why do i always have these worries i can't be good enough.. =/