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Tuesday, 3 March 2009

nothing makes you cry, like a baby does

I look at the 6-months old baby on her mum's lap.

Those BIG blue eyes, one can easily lose himself in them.

Beautiful little girl, who'd smile when tickled (:

The only thing you'll notice is that she doesn't fix her gaze.

And she has a nasogastric tube up her nose because she couldn't feed yet.

Causing her to make gurgling sounds when she wants to cry.

--

I look at the parents of this little girl.

The mum was bouncing the little girl on her lap.

Showering her baby with kisses.

The pride in her smile.

The joy in her voice.

The determination in her eyes.

--

Little girl has been doing much better, says mum.

She has began to smile.

--

I felt like crying, yet I'm not sure if I was feeling sad for them.

Or that I'm so deeply touched by them.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

*boing boing*

From the distant.. the sweet sound of .. *boing* ..

Spring is coming! :D

Okay that was lame. What, you didn't get it? Spring = *boing*? Fine. Stop looking at me like that.

Must be because of living with Mus for a whole year. I didn't know Lameness is contagious.. :P

--

Back home in Malaysia, we NEVER talk about weather. Start a topic saying how rainy today is and i doubt there'll be anyone to talk to by the time you finish your sentence. Here? I get this topic so much I doubt there's any other conversation topic that's so 'universal'. We comment on the weather to passing strangers. We talk about it when we got nothing else to talk about. Heck, we even use it as a pickup line. Okay, maybe not.

Well, that is, if it's regarding the weather here, there's always something to talk about.

And one thing I get asked by my patients besides the jaded "So.. how many more years do you have to study?" is definitely "So.. how do you find the weather here?". I replied so many times, I'm almost giving a scripted response by now..

So. The patients I was saying was these lovely people I see in my clinic. Yup, my very own GP clinic. I sat on the GP chair, going through the GP computer, seeing patients as a GP, doing GP work, and printing prescriptions.. for the real GP tutor to sign.

T'was the best 2 weeks of my 4th year. Ever.

From month-old babies to elderly in their 80s, each person whom I brought through the door into my room never fail to make me feel a little better. Even with all their complaints and sickness, they can always manage a smile when I greet them. A little chatter, a little banter, and I could easily forget they're actually burdened with their illness and their problems behind those smiles.

And most of the time, even when I haven't really done anything much for them, they'll always thank me.

As one of my mates put it, "Here, the patients expect us to talk to them. Unlike in the wards, where we (and even the patients!) always feel like what we're doing is not helping the patient at all." Perhaps that's why each of us love our GP block. For once, we're not being these pesky students disturbing the patients' rest and being in the doctors/nurses' way.

I concur.

Back to the topic on weather, some of you must have read/heard about the weather we've been getting over here in UK. Last week or so, there had been a snowstorm all over UK (as you can see from all the Facebook pictures everyone's putting up). Didn't thought it'll hit Dundee as well, but just last week, we had the thickest snowfall for first time in years (so they say).

It was so bad, they couldn't clear the roads fast enough before it was resurfaced with snow again. Which caused me to be stuck in town for a couple of hours, because the bus service had to be stopped.

So bad, that I heard stories from the other clinic staff bout how one car stopped at a traffic lights, and began sliding down the slope. Sideways. Bout how they're planning to leave their cars at the parking lot and walk home.


Must have been 6 inches of snow at least!

That was just last week.

This week, the sun came back with all its shining might. Temperature rose past 10Celcius for the first time since November (and just last week it was subzero). I can even wear just one layer of tshirt out and not freeze to death.

Funny how quick the weather can change. Still, finally winter's over and spring's coming.

Hell, it's bout time we get some sun.

ps - I'll be posting some interesting cases I saw while 'playing' GP for the past 2 weeks on the batch blog, so be sure to check it out :)

pps - there you go so-p, something for you to read! haha

Monday, 26 January 2009

out of sight, out of my mind

I was actually thinking of posting something, anything, on this blog.

Got a couple of things that got thru my mind over the last few weeks, figure I might want to write it down.

Like how my psychiatry block is coming along, how interesting psychiatric patients really are, how i'm currently isolated from the outside world, how i think i'm going mad with this self-imposed social isolation, how i dreaded the weekend because it meant my only source of internet is closed, how i dreaded the weekdays because it meant i have to find something to do in the hospital myself again, how i died-ed in the accommodation each day from boredom because i'm the only one inhabiting my flat, how i kept the radio on each night just so that there's some noise, how when i turned it off the silence i hear can be so deafening, how i wonder what it must have felt like to be schizophrenic, how being a doctor is a risk factor for mental illness (or psychiatric illness, to be politically correct), how today is chinese new year yet it's not, how the last piece of Matalan jacket i was eyeing just got snapped up the day i decided to buy it, how i laugh reading the msn chat logs stored in my laptop, how i miss the days way back in first year of IMU (i didn't know we were that bitchy concerned haha :P) ..

But meh .. guess i'll leave it for another day.

Happy Chinese New Year guys.

Random family update since previous post:
Cousin found out she's having a boy coming in third, little brother got a job at Sony Centre, little brother quit his job, older brother got a car in Aussie, i think i'll be here for a little while.

Thursday, 1 January 2009

looking back and looking forward

[hide/show auldlangsyne]
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' lang syne

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot,
Sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie's a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
For auld lang syne.

CHORUS

[hide/show auldlangsyne]

Auld Lang Syne
Robert Burns

2008 has passed, 2009 has come. Somehow it felt time has passed too quickly, yet it also felt I've been stuck in the same time for far too long.

--

How has 2008 been for me?

Left IMU, left Vista Komanwel for the last time.

Looked for work with Mus, worked for the first time in my life, earned my first ever paycheck (complete with berbanyak drama haha).

Sat in a long-haul flight for the first time, left Malaysia for the first time (aside from going to Singapore).

Came to Dundee, learned to live on the other side of the world from home.

Got to know old batchmates that I've never talked to before, got to travel and meet up with friends all over UK.

Started clinical phase of studies, took blood from patients for the first time.

Experienced seasons for the first time, felt snow crunching underneath my boots for the first time.

Learned how to ski for the first time, fell down countless times in the process.

--

2008 has seen a great many changes in my life. From being almost fully independent and earning my own dough even just for a while, to leaving my home and coming to a totally unfamiliar town. I'll say 2008 was a great year for me, for the new experiences I had kinda made me a grown up now.

Never one to make new year resolutions, not even one to have any ambitions in life, I realise it is time I take control of my life and not let luck or fate or destiny or whatever it's called dictate what becomes of me. So to start off I'll make a list here of my resolutions for 2009:

Resolutions:
1. Study everyday, allocate at least 2 hours for studies.
2. Be more organised and plan in advance, especially with regards to meeting deadlines and being on time (especially waking up early!).
3. Be more active and get some exercise (already bought weights to pump, will do jogging once it gets hotter)
4. Spend less time in front of the computer, don't waste so much time doing nothing.
5. Donate blood every 3 months. (starting with this Saturday! (: )
6. Donate to a charity or to a street performer at least once. Give away unused/unwanted stuff like clothes.
7. Be more environmental friendly. Use less paper, recycle more.
8. Support free range/free trade foodstuff more.
9. Finish reading at least 4 books.
10. Control spending, do not buy too much unnecessary stuff (keep within my ₤400 monthly budget).
11. Blog more. This might be the only way I can look back on my life next time.
12. Talk to people more, approach more patients, get to know more local friends.

Think that's enough for now haha. Let's see how many I can break keep in a year's time.

Happy New Year 2009 everyone!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

if you fry bacon long enough, it tastes like 'bak kwa'
aka I've been spending too much time at home

Holidays officially started 10 days ago, and I've officially been bumming for 10 days. Wait, it was actually much longer than that. My last block in General Medicine (Oncology, Infectious Disease, Neurosurgery, Neurology) was a mess. Agh.. time to buck up, come on.

To say that since the holiday started I've been staying in my room will have been an understatement. I've practically rooted in my room. I eat, sleep in my room (okay, duh where else.. haha). Heck, even the air I'm breathing right now is recycled from myself.

Sleeping 10 hours a day. Waking up at 3pm. Chomping on junk food. Stoning in front of the laptop. Stoning in bed. Stoning in the toilet.

That's just how the holidays should be :P

Plans to do catch-up studies had practically gone down the drain. So did my plans to fill in the dreaded "Record of Clinical Experience" book. And my plans of reading for the next block.

Heh. But it's the holidays. So i'm excused. Ahem.

Anyway felt a little bit wasted to just stay home for the holidays so I made a last minute plan to go Glasgow for some walk-walk-see-see over Christmas before heading to Edinburgh (where we'll then drive up to Aviemore for skiing!). Good thing Yew Wen's able to accommodate my spontaneous trip there haha. That's what friends are for, isn't it? (to provide free accommodation :P)

Just 4 hours before I'm off now. Don't suppose I'll update this blog again till 2009 so here's wishing Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you!

To the lengzhai moose freezing in Canada, don't stay home and breathe recycled air like I did haha.

And to those of you who already went back home to Malaysia over Christmas, I hate you.

Unless you send me food. *hint hint*

Friday, 21 November 2008

like a child on Christmas eve

I know that I'm too old now to still be acting like a small kid on Christmas eve.

But frankly, since the email came that says my free gift has been dispatched, every second is pure agony. It always felt so near, yet so far. Didn't help that no one was home when it was delivered up to our doorstep, so it then went back to the post office in city centre. That caused another 2 days wait for me.

Anyway still, it's safely cradled in my hands now. Such beautiful curves, makes me want to run my hands over the smooth body. I'm so transfixed by it, I'd even bring it into bed with me.

My precioussssssss.. :D

Christmas came early this year! :D

Friday, 14 November 2008

of bald trees and chilling winds

Empty buses.

Passing strangers.

Falling leaves.

Freezing sunshine.

Long nights.

Addictive McVities.

Whirring laptop.

Quiet house.

Missing everyone.

--

One month to holidays.

Can't wait for Christmas!

ps - to those on the other side of the globe, have fun when you all go back home! (: