8808: 5 years.

Cliched as it sounds, it surely is a long journey.

Had my viva yesterday, a 40-minute Q&A session based on my portfolio. The portfolio that I rushed till literally the very last minute, forgoing sleep for all of 48 hours prior to submission. I was so burdened by the stress, I can't even imagine how I ever survived staying awake all night just typing away on my laptop. Trust me to procrastinate again, on probably the most important work of my life to date.

And the rut I got myself in surely didn't end there, oh no. Of all the examiners, I got the Coordinator of Surgical Shadowing AND the Dean of Medical School for my viva. Funnily enough, even though I was not really proud of my portfolio (goes without saying it wasn't the best of my work), I wasn't really nervous. I actually felt rather prepared, having spent 2 weeks studying and practising talking about all the things I managed to include in my portfolio.

On the day of my viva, as I walked towards the CSU, I felt like my whole world just centred around me at that moment. My whole medical education has come to this. I wanted to tell myself please don't screw this up, please don't screw this up, but all I could do was .. smile. I was smiling all the way walking to the hospital, down the stairs into CSU, sitting on the chair outside the room, knocking on the door, opening it to greet my examiners.

It just felt so unreal. I couldn't believe this is it.

And as if it was just my luck, the external examiner had to observe MY viva, among the dozens of other students. Not that it would make a difference. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could actually do it. My smile was genuine, and I can't even wipe it off my face, let alone anyone else. I still couldn't believe I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Did you enjoy doing your portfolio? Because we did enjoy reading it. If you could choose one part of your portfolio, which part are you most proud of?"

And it began. The defining moment of my life as a medical student. My last moment as a medical student, fingers crossed.

--

What I thought would be the longest 40 minutes of my life, passed me by in an instant. I just remembered talking so fast that my brain couldn't even catch up. The words just came out like I have memorised a script. I was on autopilot mode.

The rest of the day after my viva I couldn't get much rest. I was so excited, so nervous, so worried, that I couldn't get anything done, couldn't concentrate on anything at all. As it stands, the results was going be posted on the board at 9am the next morning, less than 24 hours after my viva.

That night I woke up a few times, not able to get any good sleep. Had to force myself back to sleep because it was not 9am yet, and I can't bear staying up all morning watching every agonising second pass by. Eventually 9am came, and I rushed off to the Medical School Office as fast as I could, with my heart in my throat. Now I know what that expression felt like.

Only to see my other fellow batchmates still waiting for the results as well. It was not released at 9am as stated. Which meant more palpitation-inducing minutes to wait. It was 9.30am when the results eventually went up on the board.

It almost drove me crazy waiting for the results list to be posted, but running through the list of names trying to find mine is even worse, if that's even possible. My eyes could barely focus.

And then I found it.

There's my name. There, buried among all the names of future successful doctors.

5 years of my life have culminated to this point, the point I had only dreamed of. Is this it?

Have I finally finished medical school?

5 years .. took me long enough.

*heaves the biggest sigh of relief in my life*

--

And I thank all my friends, batchmates, seniors, teachers, tutors, doctors, hospital staff, patients, and every single person who I came across in my life as a medical student. You have all made me who I am today, and I cannot even begin to express my gratitude enough.

Thank you for the most significant 5 years of my life. It has changed my life in so many ways.

I felt like I finally grew up.

seriously cereus

Oh I finally found the secret to losing weight now..

It's called 'Bacillus cereus'.

Just cook your rice and leave it outside in the kitchen for 2 days, then cook it for dinner afterwards. Perfect incubation habitat for multiplying, toxins-releasing bacillus.

No need for any laxatives or appetite suppressant pills.

Bacillus cereus works wonder for your guts. And appetite.

Who says losing weight was hard? :P

(okay I was a little dumb to have thought this freaking cold weather could refrigerate my rice out of the fridge)

--

Anyway wanted to post a 'proper', 'obligatory' New Year post but somehow just couldn't find the time at the moment (in between sitting on the toilet bowl or sleeping in bed all weekend). Starting my second week in the Breast Ward tomorrow, which is very unexciting to say the least.

Another 2 case discussions, 2 mini-CEX, 1 observed practical procedure, 1 Cleanliness Champions module (oh save my soul), and a Ward Simulation Exercise this month. I had been all geared up for the new year, but right now I just can't be bothered.

I need some motivation.

NOT Bacillus cereus.

and i feel like Rapunzel

Ever wondered what it feels like to be Rapunzel?
To be locked-up in a room, only out to clear your bowel?

Strangely enough, i could have been living in her lair
Albeit without the golden stair made from her hair

But one day, when i have amassed enough lecture notes
I'm gonna tie them together and throw out my window a rope

And off to freedom, only to realise with a thunk
It's EOS in 9 days, and stop reading this junk

senaiboy (1986-present)

--

Yes i'm lame (hey, this is written in 5 minutes!). I blame it on the exam stress! Haha. Hope this brightened up your moody studying times, and at the same time 'motivate' you to study some more. Muahaha i'm eeebel i know :P

now, where's the panic button?

The REAL muggin' starts now.

CVS, Respi, Haemato, GI, Endo, Repro, Renal, MSK, CNS. 9 systems.

Over 300 lecture notes, from over 300 lectures spread out over 18 months.

7 weeks and counting down.

Now would be a good time to panic =)

--

Frankly speaking, it is nothing less than daunting to me. If i were to stack up all the notes that i am supposed to have gone thru (and have the knowledge within in my head) by the end of this year, it could reach above my knees. Yeah.

And thru some really great planning by the higher powers, we would spent the rest of this year with our eyes glued to our lecture notes. Our final exams, EoS5 will be held from 31st December 2007 to 4th January 2008. I could already see the Christmas and New Year spirit gasping their last breath. Gotta love the schedule.

Good thing is, i've worked out my plan over the next 7 weeks.

Bad thing is, that's not gonna make mugging any easier.

Now if you will, excuse me while i lock myself up in my room and bang my head on the wall repeatedly pondering on the futility and helplessness of this whole situation.

Uh, i mean in my room studying. Sobs. Good bye, outside world!

short update

Dead blog.

Seriously, it's not that i didn't have free time to blog. I could afford to sleep 12 hours a day. It's not that i didn't want to blog. I have millions of things to write down. It's just that i don't feel like blogging anymore.

Haha but it's not just me.. from the long list of blog links on the left, 9 out of 10 hasn't been updated for more than a month. Maybe people do have better things to do than blog nowadays. Heh.

Anyway, update on the past months, just to keep my blog up-to-date for myself to look back maybe 10 years down the road. Wonder where i'll be by then hehe. Hey, me 10 years later. If you're living comfortably with a decent wage, you better remember what hell me right now is going thru and be grateful. Or envious. Haha. My thoughts are so incoherent now. Back to topic.

Selectives. 4 weeks of 'History of Medicine'. Besides getting to work with another cliche in my batch, nothing else bout it is even worth mentioning. Damn free days, damn boring classes, damn screwed up exam, a damn big waste of 4 weeks of my life. 'nuff said.

Pulau Perhentian 'family' trip. Was short but it was really great fun. Especially snorkelling and kayaking till we are roasted. Wait, that's all we did. Haha. Anyway thanks Chia Huan for going to all the trouble to organise =).

Musculoskeletal System, second last system. In-Course Assessment was last Friday. A little screwed up i guess. Thought i could remember the anatomy. Ended up doubting myself so much i changed my 'right' answers to the wrong ones. Sigh. Ah well.

IMU Cup 2007. Ending in 2 days. Tuesday will be the closing ceremony and last event, cheerleading. The only event i joined. I know i'll regret not joining anything else, but then again, i'm not good in any sports haha. More on cheerleading next time.

--

Almost the end of September now. Soon we gotta hand in our choice of PMS. Soon we gotta sit for our finals. Soon we'll be out of IMU. Soon life will take a big change.

Being very sentimental, maybe that's why i never liked changes. I try to keep memory of everything, never wanting to forget something, or someone. I've always wished life would be the same, day after day. Yet change has this habit of slowly creeping up on you, and when you did realise, it is already here to stay.

Shucks.

a look on life (part I)

You know you have grown up when you wake up at 6 in the morning and think about your life so far.

It's 5.43am in the morning and i woke up.

It's very rare for me to wake up after the first alarm, let alone before. But somehow today, i only slept for 3 hours. The shortest time i have slept in a day for almost forever. Yet i guess this is the soundest sleep i got in a long long time.

--

Our third exams in 3 months, Renal ICA. Won't comment on the paper, but i guess i could have studied the stuff i thought weren't important. Principles of drug treatments. I totally did not remember anything from there, i thought it was just common sense. Turns out i don't have common sense. Haha. I didn't even know how to answer the questions. Ah well.

Just a few days before my exams, i got my biology clock screwed up. Began sleeping later and later each day, until the day before exams, i slept at 10am. Wasn't planning on sleeping, but i gave up. Bound at home with an ankle sprain for 2 weeks, i have nothing to do at home besides study and turn on my computer. I could almost die at home if i study just a little bit more. I was at my threshold of studying. Any more and i'll lose my mind.

Which is why after the exams, i felt relieved. I forgot how this felt like, to have passed another hurdle. It just seems the run stretched forever, infinite hurdles before me. I did not stay for the 'feedback' session (more like answer-giving session -.-). I just could not care what the answers are. I felt.. free.

--

We got our Repro ICA results right after the exams. 126 of 180 in my batch got A, 30+ got A- (according to Chia Huan's blog, i didn't check). Scary. It puts so much pressure on us to study harder, especially us who're going to PMS. I admit i was intimidated. I hadn't been doing as well as most people since i came into IMU, frankly. My results fluctuate like the temperature here. Probably cause i wasn't the consistently hardworking type.

I got my first consecutive A ever since i came into IMU.

I can't say how happy i was. This meant a lot to me. Forget the fact that probably this is just another A for those straight A students, forget the fact that maybe more than half the batch got the same thing. I studied more than i could for this semester, i tried not to slack. 2 weeks of solid studying before exams. It paid off. As i took the lift down, i celebrated my results for the first time ever in my life. It was just an A in one paper, but it meant everything to me.

You see, by the end of this semester, our matching would start. We would be needed to list down our choice of Partner Medical Schools (PMS) to do our clinical phase. Seeing that my results from Sem1 to Sem3 were inconsistent at best, this semester's exams are my last hope. If i continued my trend of A,B,B-,A-,B+ in sem3, i would have no hope to get my first 3 choice at all.

Just another one for Renal. I need just one more.

--

End of Renal means the we're reaching the end of Sem4. What's left is selectives, which we ALL will be doing History of Medicine. Not much of a 'selectives', eh. But it does seem pretty interesting. Learning how medicine changed, how it came to be the knowledge we're learning today.

--

continued on next post ...

Daft Hands - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Ripped from sheenapunya.

Just watch =). You'll not want to miss this.

Daft Hands - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

To all M205-ians studying like mad for Renal ICA this Friday:

Work It Harder, Make It Better
Do It Faster, Makes Us stronger
More Than Ever Hour After
Our Work Is Never Over.

S.O.S

It's bad that Renal is a killer system, with all those physiology shit it has.

It's worse that we don't have the best lecturers to teach us those stuff.

It's worst that i slept through almost all the lectures.

Gah, save me!

a little touch on reality

Sat for Repro ICA 10 days ago. The exams itself wasn't really hard, just that i didn't expect the questions that came out. A few on risk factors, which i didn't memorise. A whole problem-based question on PCOS which we only did in PBL, which i didn't read thru either. Other than that it's ok i guess. No hope of an A tho. Hope i pass. Shucks.

Felt really weird after the exams. It's like, i don't see an end to it. I don't feel like i just jumped over another hurdle. There's no post-exam mood in me at all. I stayed home the whole weekend after the exams. Hacking away in an online game.

I was losing touch with reality. I was in denial. I can't take the exams after exams after exams. Next one just 4 weeks after the Repro exams. I really wanna just waste myself away in the game after the exams. Sigh.

Now, one week of Renal passed. Rather packed first week for me. We started training for IMU Cup too. Not that i can get a spot in the teams, but heh, it's fun to just play around.

The whole first week of Renal, i slept through almost all of the lectures. I was in no mood to learn anything, no mood to do anything at all. Guess i was sinking into depression.

So right now i'm keeping myself occupied. Maybe that way i won't be feeling depressed so much. But i do realise i'm withdrawing into myself. Detaching myself from everything. I don't want to sit for another exams.

I don't know how long i can withstand this exams after exams.

This is the way i've chosen, i can only persevere till the end. I should stop living in denial and start studying for the next exams. I will.

Happy New Year 2007!

view from Vista B. sob sob. why are we stuck here? =(

Kinda late but ah, hell. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! =D

ps - to any M205-ians reading this.. STOP READING BLOGS AND GO STUDY! ;)

Best of luck to everyone taking EoS3 and EoS5! We will make it thru!

ok i'm bored

Apparently i looked like Hidetoshi Nakata!

Err.. ok.. i don't see the similarities at all -.-"

Get back to studying ppl! EoS in less than 2 weeks! Gahhhh!!

ps - merry christmas to everyone!

From the Pau Snowman by Yih Seong & Chia Huan

You know..

.. that you're in BIG trouble when you have a lil more than 4 weeks to study a whole year of lectures.

So GI paper was over last Friday. Checking back my answers during the 'feedback' (more like answer-giving session), i can't be more sure of it.

I seriously need some divine intervention to score an A in EOS3.

Or i could study much much HARDER. But hey, it's human nature to want the easy way out =P. Too bad the 'easiest' way out now is to study like mad. More like the ONLY way out. What fun life we have.

Guess i better buck up lots.

Anyway.. just had a series of birthday the past few weeks.. so here goes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to NG WEI LIANG, CHUI HAN, WINNIE, CHEE MEI, PAUL KONG and CHIA HUAN! It's been great fun having you guys as 'family' .. made the 1.5 years in uni so memorable =). Hope all of your wishes come true!

Lastly to everyone, study hard and good luck for EoS.. we WILL survive. =)

ps on a sadder note.. juz heard our friend Rubin Tan (from EC) passed away on Tuesday due to problems during kidney transplant. Not so sure bout the details tho. May not really know him, but still i hope he finds peace in wherever he is now. *sobs*.

a word of consolation

It sucks when you didn't get what you think you deserved.

It sucks even more when you realised maybe you deserved what you get.

A word of consolation isn't much, but it's more than i ever asked for. Thanks, you might not realise it but i did feel better when you said it =)

Of course, overdosing myself with chocolate for dinner helped too. But i digress.

Gotta study like hell for EoS now. Can't lag behind everyone anymore.

"there is no genius in medicine"

How true. If only i can smack that into my head.

I forgot which lecturer i quoted that phrase from. But i do know i shall keep that in mind till i got out of medical school. Maybe till i stopped working as a doctor. Maybe even longer.

Ever since i was small, most people regarded me like i'm some genius or something. I'm not being boastful by saying that, because there really is nothing to boast about me. I'm not being humble by saying that either, because i'm just trying to be pragmatic.

Smart lah. Genius lah. Sky veggie lah. Haha once at tuition the tutor even got the others to refer to me as Superman. Like, what the heck.

I admit i do let all the praises get to my head sometimes. Everyone likes to be praised, to be looked up to anyway. But i also know what i'm good at and what i'm not. I'm good at logic stuff like Maths and Physics. I'm not good at memorising stuff, especially when i never even tried.

Haha. At times i do wonder why am i in medicine when Biology and Chemistry are my weaker subjects. Do i really want to be a doctor? I don't know.. my dream job is one which just requires me to do nothing. Wait, that's everyone's dream job =P.

A, B-, B+, A, A-, A, B.
Sigh. If you see from my results you can see i'm fluctuating. That's because i always ALWAYS lose track of what i should be doing. And lose my motivation to study. Everytime i got an A i get ahead of myself and think i could get pretty good results if i just put in effort for a few days. So i procrastinate and procrastinate, till the week before exams.

Stupid. Where the hell did i get the idea that a med student can just slack and slack, then concentrate for a few days and still get good results.

Yeah i got B for Respi. No, that's not quite good what because it's just a grade away from failing. While everyone else around me are fretting bout not getting an A, me myself felt so relieved just not failing. The weeks during when we had Respi i was at my most unmotivated self. Was sleeping in almost every lecture. Didn't study till the week before exams. And being an OO during M206 orientation and having IMU Cup starting before Respi exams didn't help either.

Ah well. Guess it's not too late to realise this. I better start putting in SOME effort if i wanna survive med school. There is really no genius in medicine, only HARD WORK. This will be the first thing i tell every aspiring medical students out there. Either study your ass off, or don't even dream bout doing medicine.

That said, i have exactly a week to Haemato exams. Geez. Now i'm wishing if only i were a genius in medicine.

I HATE RESPI.

Period.

>this< close to screwing myself upside down

God. I still can't believe it. I don't know if i'm damn bloody lucky or there was some kind of divine intervention that saved my life. Damn.. i can't believe what has happened to me.

Friday, 7th July. Our cardiovascular (CVS) end-of-course assessment (in other words, exams la). I did try to start studying since the last post.. but as always, everything was left till last minute. Day after day.. i came up with so many reasons to study tomorrow and not today. And before i knew it, i'm wishing there's more than 24 hours in a day. Typical, eh? Haha. Anyway..

Saturday. Went playing badminton in the morning. Slacked the rest of the day watching Desperate Housewives and chatting online.

Sunday. Started all over again because i realised i wasn't studying when i was studying all the while for the past weeks. Whatever that means.

Tuesday. More than half done. Started feeling better. Actually believed i could scrape past this one.

Wednesday. Decided to study from the start again instead of finishing up the last third of the lecture notes. Thought it's better if i revise at least half of them for the second time than only one time through everything.

Thursday. Lecture notes piled up on the table. 2 thirds left, with a third untouched at all. Started reading like mad from 5pm till 3am. With lots of 'breaks' in between of course.

Friday early morning, 3am. Decided to leave the last 3 untouched lecture notes for tomorrow. Thought that the lectures were given the day before anyway, wouldn't need to go thru them twice. Set two alarms at 7am.

3am. Laid on my bed, tried to sleep. Then all of a sudden felt like looking for the crack for a game i downloaded earlier the day before. Little did i know what a big mistake this was gonna be.

3.15am. Found the crack and started 'trying out' the game. Told myself i'd stop at 4am and sleep.

4am. Somehow my subconsciousness convinced myself it wouldn't hurt if i played one more level, it'll just take a few minutes at most.

4.45am. Couldn't believe the time when i looked at the clock. Jumped into bed straight away. 5 minutes and i drifted off to sleep.

7am. Woke up to my handphone's alarm. Decided to lie down for a few more minutes and wait for my second alarm, which is supposed to go off a few minutes later.

9am. Opened my eyes.. wondering what day it is. My handphone was on my bed, vibrating. It was a reminder i set at 9am. Realised exams gonna start in 15 minutes. Panicked. 3 lecture notes still left untouched. Washed up, dressed up and look at the 3 lecture notes on the table. Start flipping through them. Realised it's already too late, i'm dead.

9.10am. Cursing the bloody lift which is stuck at 15th floor. Praying bloody hard the stuff in the last 3 lectures won't come out. Thought to myself this ain't gonna help, i've already killed myself.

9.15am. Reached MPH, and the exams start a few minutes after that.

I reached just in time before the paper started, and sat through the whole paper rather uneventfully haha. After they collected the papers. I sat there and stare blankly into space. The events that has just transpired had me bewildered how lucky i was. Or rather, how stupid i was.

I. ALMOST. MISS. MY. CVS PAPER.

And lost a CHUNK of marks off my final exams at the end of this year.

Imagine 5 weeks of lectures, hours of revision and lost 'life', dozens of printed notes, only to MISS the exams. Because i OVERSLEPT. I would've gone mad. Out of my mind. Like, fucking mad at myself i'll kill myself. Lol. Kidding bout the last part la, i'm not suicidal. That's more stupid than overslept on the day of exams =P

The 2 alarms i set at 7am didn't wake me up (ok.. they did, i just went back to sleep =P). And it was that reminder on my handphone that saved my life.

A reminder.

Bout a BIRTHDAY.

Of a friend.

That just saved my ass.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHOW CHOW THE BEST! Never in my life i've ever been more grateful for something you didn't do. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Blek. Hope you have a fucking great birthday at Genting. And enjoyed our plate of worms. =P

Thanks for saving my life.

- disconnected -

Finally got back my internet connection yesterday. It's been more than a week.. since last Wednesday to be precise. Being disconnected taught me a few things tho..

1. my blog is dead. No it's not me who's lazy to update.. it's the lack of internet connection =P
2. i spent too much time online. As in hazardously too much time online. No, i'm not addicted. Nuh-uh. Definitely not. No addiction whatsoever =P
3. internet is the main culprit that caused me to sleep late everyday. The past week i've been waking up early.. so early i need to check two clocks twice every morning to make sure i'm not still stuck in my dreams..
4. i can actually survive for a week without internet! Ok, not really.. i've been having withdrawal symptoms since last Wednesday morning >.<
5. internet has become an essential part of life. I can't even sleep knowing i'm disconnected. Oh wait.. i slept even more without internet =/
6. i spent too much time online. Oh i said that.

Haha.. seriously, i think i'm so used to being connected 24/7 now that it felt so strange when i lost my internet connection. It's like being unplugged from the world and become stuck in this small small corner of the world. I can't chat with my faraway friends. I can't read my friends' blogs. I can't update myself on the latest news (ok, i'm juz too lazy to read the newspapers in the library =P). I can't get instant World Cup results (k, too lazy to watch the matches too.. but hey, i got clinic visit and CSU this week.. i have the right to be lazy this week =P). I have to actually WALK to the next room to talk to Keat How. Lol.

But everything's fine now. I have my connection to the outside world back. And i can chat with Keat How without having to walk a step now. I'm getting too lazy, ain't i? =P

Btw our Summatives 2 results were out today.. didn't really get what i thought i'd get easily. Not that i'm very confident i can get it.. now that i think of it, i didn't study hard at all. Sigh. Have been losing focus these days.. 3 more weeks to CVS paper.. need to buck up now. And i still haven't even look at the past 2 weeks' lectures >.<. Somehow, i know i'm soo gonna die 3 weeks later. Better dig my grave early, huh? ^^"

purpose ..

Juz sat for the Summatives 2 of Foundation 2 yesterday. More than a month of lectures, weeks of revision, for a slightly more than one hour paper. And everything, all the days i have to confine myself to my room, all the hours i had to spend staring at my lecture notes, ended with the paper. At least, weren't they supposed to?

24 hours on after the exams, and i finally felt the pressure of being a medical student. Not that i'm stressed, just that .. the end seems so far. Almost 10 months, and all we've covered are the foundation. Basics. Noobs knowledge. Foundation 2 ended as of yesterday, and right on after that we'll begin our system courses. No rest, no break. And they say we are having it easier than our seniors. Sigh.

Sometimes i do wonder if i can ever stand all this. All this endless lectures.. all this continuous studying .. all this non-stop learning. Sometimes i needed a break so much i felt like skipping the lectures.. the PBLs.. whatever i can skip. Everytime i look for an end to all this, i see nothing. The finishing line is so far beyond the horizon, i just felt like collapsing on the spot and let everything pass me by. Wasn't this the path i chose? Didn't i say i want to become a doctor?

.. become a doctor. I wonder if i really did want to become a doctor. Guess this doubts in me will never cease. Life as a doctor seems so .. noble. So highly regarded by society. So envied by those who didn't have the chance to be one. Yet, being noble is nowhere near my goals in life. I don't want fame, i don't want a reputation either. I don't like having attention on me. If i were to treat a patient anonymously, i'd gladly do so. With a smile.

There comes a time when we look for our purpose in life, right? Some found it in their work, some in their religion, some in their loved ones. For me, 20 years walking on this earth still got me wondering why am I here. I don't meant that in a religious manner.. just that, we need a reason to live, don't we? Something we live for, something we wake up everyday knowing we're still here for. Guess that's why all of a sudden i got this interest in everything. Yeah, everything.

Like, teaching. Patrick made an announcement bout some volunteer teaching at some orphanage. Again, i had that feeling. That feeling of really really wanting to sign up for it. I don't know why. Maybe i just want to try out something new. Maybe i wanted to volunteer, to contribute to society. Maybe i'm looking for it. My purpose.

Anyway, from today onwards, life will be really busy for me now. Weekdays, gonna have clinic visits and CSU sessions in the morning, lectures in the afternoon, and ECA activities in the evening. And still i signed up to have my Saturdays spent teaching. Haha.. i whine bout how busy i am and yet i keep getting myself busier. Sometimes it's so hard to understand myself. *shrug*

i don't want a life, let me be a nerd

Hm. Somehow over the past few weeks, i've managed to get involved in so much activities, days felt like hours, hours like seconds. It's like me watching my life on fast forward, a blur of everything, leaving me worn out, yet not knowing why. Sigh. I've never seen any of us this busy in the past few months, much less me even during IMU Cup last year. Over the past few weeks, we turned into a big group of pandas, big group of stressed out pandas, wishing we could juz let go of all our responsibilities and get back to our lecture notes we conveniently abandon ever since Summatives 1. Wishing that when we wake up in the morning, we don't need to do anything but study, like what we're supposed to do. For once, studying feels like the only thing i want to do right now.

Summatives 1 was on 24th April, and the weeks before that were spent studying seriously only at the last minute, like what i'd always done. And for the first time i came into IMU, i seriously felt i flunked it big time. Even though i did read through all the lecture notes, and even referred to books for more understanding. Found some conflicting notes between the books and the lectures, but in the end i understood the stuff i was supposed to understand more.

And that was why i thought i was gonna fail the exams. Too much time spent trying to read through the books on immunology and microbiology because the lecture notes weren't clear. Too little time spent memorising every word on the lecture notes, which would have guaranteed me a good result instead.

And that was why you could have seen a gloomy aura around me when Patrick said they're giving out the results after our lectures on Thursday. I did say i wanted to get the results asap, so it'll get me studying again. But still, that wasn't enough to dispel the dread of knowing i failed my exams.

Yet when i saw my result slip, i really couldn't believe my eyes. I even thought i took someone else's result slip. I knew i had half the paper wrong, they gave us the answers after the paper. But as i've heard so far, most of our batch got As, so it might be the lecturers were lenient. Yeah, that's the only explanation.

The week we had Summatives 1 was also the WAVES, Week of Awareness of Vision, Hearing and Speech, organised by Helen Keller's Society and presided by Chia Huan. Mustaqim designed the T-shirts, and a quick 'survey' was done to pick the color - light, bright green ^^". The T-shirts didn't sell like hot cakes like we hoped they would, but we still managed to clear the stocks in the end. Chia Huan was so worried we can't sell all of them, i swear i saw a few strands of her hair turned white =P. And then there were the pens.

err.. i didn't arrange those pens =P

The pens. More than 200 orders. 30 minutes per pen. A week of manual labor. Uncountable hours of lost sleep. But we did it. =D

So right after the WAVES, we got on to the next event on our agenda. 15th to 19th May, Chinese Singing Competition 2006, organised by Chinese Cultural Society, presided by Jackie. Me was the Treasurer of this event. Not really a tough job, i guess i had the easiest job of all.

Last Monday was the mic testing, yesterday was the audition and tomorrow's the finals. Invited Chan Kwok Fai, Astro Talent Quest 2005 winner to be one of the finals' judge. The audition yesterday went rather well, only slight problems with the PA system nearing the end. Ended around 11.30pm, then me, Jackie, Yew Wen, Mok, Kian Hwa and his gf went to Jackie's place to count the scores of the contestants till 2.30am >.< . Let's juz say those that got to the finals deserve their places. Will be a close fight for the winner surely.

On my activities list, right after this Chinese Singing Competition will be the Week of Awareness of Violence against Women, jointly organised by Wushu Club and Ninjutsu Club. But since we couldn't find a time to have that week, and half of IMU won't be here after this week till the next semester, we decided to postpone it. And you can imagine how relieved i felt when we made that decision =P.

So weeks after weeks i don't even have a single day when i have nothing planned, no responsibility to fulfil, no task to be done. I'm getting tired. I missed my lecture notes, which were still as new as the day i got them.

Come Summatives 2, which is like a little more than 2 weeks away, i'll realise why so many med students prefer to be a nerd than have a life. I know doing all these things make life more interesting than locking myself up in my room with my notes, but i also know that i've gotten myself involved in too much activities. So much that i'm exhausted physically and mentally. So much that i'm starting to miss studying.

And after tomorrow, i'm gonna lock myself up in my room with my notes. I don't want a life anymore. I just want to study. Let me be a nerd =P

ps - the movie i've waited for years =P. New trailer!

pps - ah forgot to post it here... to Keat How, happy half-year-of-being-housemates!! =P ok, seriously, happy 22nd birthday, housemate!