You may not realised it, but sometimes you didn't even fall..

My first thought when i received the letter? Fuck. It was 14th June, exactly 6 weeks after i went to IMU. Yeah, for the interview. Can't say i have nightmares about it, but i didn't really give a good first impression either. Thinking back, going thru the interview once more in my head, it's not really surprising i got put on KIV..which is sort of a waiting list for IMU applicants, so they say. Ok i guess, i tried to be optimistic bout it. I'll just get the good news later.

The only thing is that it never came. Not the good news i've been expecting anyway. It was my bro who broke the news to me, bout a month since i received the letter from IMU. "You are given a conditional offer for the February 2006 intake. Admission into August 2005 intake will be considered based on availability."As i read my bro's SMS over and over again, the same thing just keep echoing in my head. WTF?! Before that, my hopes were high, and i've been rather happy to hear that Paul made it in just a few days ago. In fact, i had been hoping that all of us got into IMU. And then the news just smacked me in the face and brought me crashing down to earth. We all made it into IMU all right, but i'll be going in 6 months later. 6 MONTHS?! WTF am i gonna do for 6 MONTHS??. The first few hours had me in denial, wishing that my bro had heard wrongly, wishing that the admission people had gotten it wrong, wishing that this is just a nightmare i'll wake up from. Heck, if only it is.

Then it dawned on me. It's not that i'm disappointed that i won't be able to join my friends, or that i can't accept the fact that my holidays has just been extended for another 6 months. I'll still be able to see my old friends in IMU, and 6 months of holidays will make me fatter at the very least. It's my family's disappointment that i can't take... especially my parents and grandma. Perhaps that's what been driving me to do well in my studies all the time... i never want to see their disappointed faces, not if i can help it. And thank god they took the news better than i expected. They were cool bout it, and it helped me get back on my feet even before i reach the ground. Family's support, that's a great force that keeps me standing tall.

A week later, my last doubts disappeared, my denial finally over, the moment i read the first sentence of the letter from IMU i received today..
"Please find enclosed your Conditional Offer of Admission into the medical programme for the February 2006 intake."
It's confirmed then. Somehow, in a different way, receiving this letter from IMU brought me some relief. At least i got in. Phew. By the time i got this letter, i've had come to accept it. Getting into IMU in Feb next year doesn't seem as bad as it sounds initially. In fact, i've started looking forward to it now. As for the 6 months, i just saw that 7-11 in the town nearby is hiring...

If anything, this moment in my life had taught me something - sometimes, things aren't as bad as it seems. We just have to take a step back and look at the whole thing, then we'll realise most of the time we worry for nothing. This may not be a major setback in my life, but i got depressed over it for nothing, even if it's just for a few hours. Life's all about living, and feeling down all the time ain't a way of living. I keep reminding myself that.

-2.59am, 22 July 2005-

i wonder wat sound does crap makes...

My...it's been a really long time since i blogged. Not that i don't want to..but more like i can't. Somehow i managed to fracture my right wrist during our only futsal game last last Friday, which is a week plus ago. Doesn't hurt much unless i tried to turn or bend my hand. It's much better now, but i still can't turn my hand much. Am i getting paranoid? Nah..not in the least bit =P. Haha..some friends implied that i should be more worried ^^. Thanks for all the concern...but we shouldn't be worrying too much all the time. Life's no fun if we keep worrying, aight? ;)

Calling out some old friends..
First off, i wanna apologize to Yih Seong especially for 'boycotting' your outing haha. Well, actually YS called me, Yong Chen and Jem for some chilling out with Boon Shih who juz got back to JB not long ago. Due to some 'miscommunication', i thought the plans wasn't confirmed so the outing was scrapped. My bad ^^". Not to mention i slept right thru the supposedly meeting time and missed Yih Seong's message that morning =P. Can't help it haha..

And so i tried to make it up for Boon Shih, and called him out for lunch and movie this afternoon (Yih Seong rejected me ='(, so i ain't putting his name instead of Boon's haha =P). Managed to get Wy Keat and Looi out along too. Wanted to get Yohannes and Jeng Khay out as well but they can't make it. Sigh. So 4 of us had lunch at City Square and watched 'The Amityville Horror' coz there was nothing else to watch, short of 'Qaisy & Laila' lol =P. Boon Shih watched 'Initial D' edi..and Wy Keat can't make it for the 'War of the Worlds'. Still, the movie was rather ok..maybe different from what i've always watched in the cinema..you know, sci-fi and action type of movies. Too bad Wy Keat didn't like horror movies..he even slept halfway thru the movie haha..

Life changes..people changes..
It's interesting how life brings us apart...only a few years ago we see each other in school everyday. And right now we don't even contact each other more than an occasional 'How'd you doing' message. I know, we have our own lives to live, and sometimes, old friends gotta take a backseat..or backseats...or..wateva..to hell with grammar lol =P. I'm a rather sentimental person i admit, and i tend to cling on to friendships for as long as they can last. It's sad some people don't share the way i feel bout friendships..to the point that i see them as 'phantom friends' already. They're out there all right, and they'll respond if you called (if you're lucky hehe ;) ), but other than that you won't hear nothing from them. Unless silence is something that can be heard.

Then again, maybe they have reasons not to call me up all those time. Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise, if every one of them called me up all the time i won't even have time to sleep haha ^^. Anyway, i gotta admit i've been guilty of being a 'phantom friend' to a great lot of people too. Not that i don't want to, or that i don't have the time to message them (how long does it take to type 'how's life?'). Just that..i feel that i don't even know them anymore. Over the years, we drift apart so much we're more like strangers to each other than friends.

Then again, how do you define 'friends'..people have different definitions for that. Me, i see friends as those people who i can count on anytime. There are friends who have been quiet all the time, but will be ready to get you back on your feet whenever you fall. Those people are friends to me. Then there are so-called 'friends' who make noise around you all the time, but will miraculously disappear out of your sight whenever you get into trouble. Those people..well, i dunno wat to call them. Selfish ingrates doesn't sound too crude, does it? haha...

Anyway, just a note here..i certainly ain't taking a potshot at anyone, juz me mumbling rubbish =P. And i sincerely apologize if i offended someone. I have lots of great friends, some really great friends, and a few really f**king great friends to be grateful for =). You may not realise it, but it's people like you that makes life worth living...besides the television of course haha. Again, i'm not referring to anyone so don't get too self-important yet lol =P

-3.45am, 14 July 2005-

Another week of holidays over...

Haven't been in the mood to blog for some time now. Don't know why..but the past few days i felt like being alone, away from everything. Maybe i just need some time for myself. Sorry i didn't go out along with you guys when Chuin Hau came down yesterday. Was feeling really tired then...tho tired of what i don't really know..

Chow and Paul's visit to our homeland, JB =)
Lots of stuff happened since the last entry. Last week, from 20th to 23rd June only Chow and Paul managed to come down to visit JB, out of the initial 5 that agreed to go with this plan. Oh well, two or five, it doesn’t matter anyway. At least they’ll keep us busy for a while hehe.

Monday, i went along for dinner at some hawker's place somewhere not very far from Jem's place (where Chow and Paul stay while here in JB). Then we went Leisure Mall, thinking maybe we can catch a movie but then it's too late. Ended up with a while in the arcade and another while in cc. I'm not into the cc thing actually...but Chow's our guest and he said he wants it. What to do..he likes pawning our asses so much..juz make him happy in JB lor =P.

Tuesday, they went to Singapore to visit the zoo and iPod-shopping, but i didn't go coz i don't have a passport. Decided against making one juz for the one-time trip...i don't really wanna go there anyway (read: it'll be a waste of money for me ;) ).

Wednesday, took them to the busiest shopping complex in JB, City Square (ok..so maybe that's becoz it's the only place to hang out but hey, we aren't as pathetic as it sounds =P) and watched 'Batman Begins'. Had dinner at the same hawker's place again, and cc again (man..when will this ever stop).

Chow and Paul took a bus back to Subang on Thursday, but i wasn't there to send them off. Was feeling a lil bit sleepy and it's not very close anyway..so sorry ya =P.

Holidays...time to do what i always wanted to do =)
Hmm...if there's one thing i like besides sleeping, it's learning to do new stuff. I always have this desire deep inside of me to learn to do something new, and my list of to-learn stuff is really really long, trust me. Scuba-diving, Ice-skating, rollerskating, surfing, rockclimbing, mountain-hiking...even breakdancing haha. Ok, i know how ironic this sounds...for someone who needs to sleep half the day, saying i want to learn to do all these 'active' stuff. But hey, who says my love of sleep is gonna stop me =P

So everyone gotta start somewhere ya..and on top of the list is the most basic thing i've been wanting to learn but juz didn't have the time (or maybe i'm juz too lazy =P) - swimming! I'm 19 already and i still don't know how to swim..how sad right haha. I used to fear going to pools..coz well, i was a thin boy (still am..but i'm trying my best to fatten up ;) ) so you know me la, shy shy mah haha. But thru the years, i've learned to love myself the way i am. I realise it's not what others think of you that matters, but rather what you think of yourself. So be happy of yourself, and you'll be happy. I'm getting off-topic haha...anyway i started last Tuesday, and will be done in 10 hours of lessons =). So swimming... *crossed*. Wonder what's next hehe..

-2.59am, 2 July 2005-
Hope you two enjoyed your stay ;)

Happy Father's Day! =)

Hmm..so it's Father's Day again. Time pass so damn fast. Was thinking of what to get for Dad actually..but ended up with nothing at all haha. Dunno what present to buy..come to think of it, i've only bought one present for him for the past 19 Father's Days =P. Think he's used to not getting anything besides 'Happy Father's Day' wishes by now. Such bad sons three of us are, eh? Sigh.. hehe. Oh before i forget, Happy Father's Day Dad! =)

This Father's Day was just like any other Sundays, except Mom suggested we go to some rather high-class restaurant for some..seriously i dunno what are we doing there haha. It was around 5pm, too late for lunch, too early for dinner. Sat there, looked thru the menu, and everything looks like..you know, looks like stuff that you have for lunch or dinner. As we had lunch like a couple of hours ago, we only ordered two plates of salad and a plate of fish n chips, which are really delicious, if you ask me. Hmm.. it's nice to sit down and have dinner like this once in a while. Won't get much chance to eat out with family in the next few years...when university life comes knocking on me door =/

Status : Idle (literally..)
So...it's been nearly a week since i came down from Subang. And what have i been doing since then? You mean besides sleeping? Nothing haha =P. Literally wasting my life everyday..but hey, i'm not complaining lol. Maybe i'll waste a few more days of my life before i snap back to reality =P. Everyone's gotta take a break some time, you know. A break where you have nothing to do. No classes to attend, no exams to study for, no lecturers to stand, no stress thinking of 'what's for lunch/dinner' ;).. and oooh my favourite, knowing you can sleep anytime you want, as long as you want. Haha..can't blame me if i love sleeping rite? =P

But seriously, this 'transition phase' between college and university feels so weird. Dunno wat to do everyday, dunno wat the future holds. Umm..actually i got placed on KIV by IMU. Which is sort of like the waiting list i guess. Didn't apply to anywhere else, mainly coz i dunno where else to apply to ^^". Beginning to consider other options.. if i couldn't get into IMU, i would probably not be doing medicine. But i don't know what i'll do besides medicine. Sigh.. it's so damn tough making life-changing decisions..

-4.01am, 23 June 2005-
still can't think of a title for this blog.. sigh..

..last day in 121D..

..and our last day in 121D..
Yong Chen, Yih Seong and Pat had an early flight to catch, so i only woke up juz in time to watch them leave (the flight was delayed, so i didn't expect to see them when i woke up actually). Jem left at the same time with them, he'll be off to Cameron on a church outing with Paul and two other guys. So that leaves me and Ashok alone at home..Leong had already packed up and left the day before yesterday. Quite a strange sight really..half of the apartment's empty and the other half's filled with rubbish. Packed up all my stuff and went to 'The Web' for the last time (i gonna miss those uber-fast internet connection..).

Me family came later than planned, so i had a few hours with nothing to do in the apartment. Looked around 121D for the last time..and it looks exactly like the time when we first came, 18 months ago..with more rubbish of course. Sigh...right now, looking back at the one and a half years of my life here, I'm still bewildered..amazed that i've managed to keep my sanity all this while. Or maybe i already lost it a long time ago? Nah..it doesn't matter either way =P.

Ashok left a while after my family came..i was supposed to leave first ^^". Stuffed everything we can into my dad's car, then he and mom drove to my bro's apartment near IMU to dump those stuff. Me and my brothers had to wait for my cousin-in-law to take away the washing machine, so we stayed in 121D. While me and Ashok were bringing our stuff out of 121D, the cleaners came. So when i went up again with my brothers, 121D ain't like the 121D we lived in no more. They cleaned it up, rearranged everything (the sofas under the fan and the 'dining-cum-study' table's where the sofas used to be). The only thing that reassure me that we didn't barge into the wrong apartment was..well, it was supposed to be a suprise, so let's juz say Pat left something on Leong's study table ;).

Everything must come to an end. And so with this, my struggle for sanity in 121D has come to an end =P. I'll surely remember all the time we spent around the 'dining-cum-study' table, all 7 (8 including Paul..who's almost living with us 24/7 anyway hehe) of us sitting around it. Talking cock like nobody’s business. Bitch bout every single victim we can think of. Kutuk every single person we see. Sigh...this is where we spent our college life in. And leaving this place, i felt like a part of me was left behind. Life juz won't be the same anymore. Nothing will ever beat living with these guys. Sigh..

-4.19am, 15 June 2005-
sigh..i gotta find a new name for my blog..

The end of life...college life, that is..

This is it. The end of college. Never thought this day would come so soon..sigh. One and a half years of sweet and bitter memories ain't that easy to forget. Man..i wish college life would never end. Those late night (and i do mean late ;) ) cybercafe sessions..so engrossed we even sacrificed sleep on some days. Those movies we watched..so many that i can't name one we missed (no, Senario XX ain't a movie =P). Those class dinners we ate..after each time my wallet became a lot thinner ^^". And the one thing i'll miss most of all..those jokes,kutuks,bitchings and all sorts of crap i heard over the last one and a half years. In fact, i already miss all that haha..

The last few days in Subang..
Wed, 8 June 2005
After our last paper, Chemisty 6 (which didn't go well so don't ask haha), we went to 1 Utama for our 'post-exams celebrations'. Watched 'The Interpreter' coz 'Madagascar' was sold out, then had dinner at Chilli's. Both the movie and dinner was superb..that’s the least i can say ;). All the time in between was spent walking around the shopping complex aimlessly...besides following Pat around checking out all the Cybershot T7s he can get his hands on, that is. After spending the whole day in 1U, we spent the whole night in Silver Surfer ^^". Only managed to play 3 DotA games...after which we were so dazed we can't walk straight no more haha..

Thu, 9 June 2005
Bored to the brink of insanity at home (literally haha), we went to watch 'Mr and Mrs Smith' in Pyramid. Very interesting movie..very funny too. Nothing else the whole day.

Fri, 10 June 2005
Chow came over to settle the parking stuff. Ended up in Warnet X-Edition the whole evening. At night me, Ashok, Chow and Paul had bak kut the for dinner. The others were not home..they packed and left with either parents or relatives temporarily.

Sat, 11 June 2005
Another evening spent in Warnet X. There's no morning coz i woke up late..again. Watched 'Madagascar' (at last..this was supposed to be our post-exams movie haha) at Summit with Pat, Ashok and Yong Chen. The others went cc at round midnight again. Me gave it a miss coz i was damn tired and getting sick of cc already..

'Class Prom' haha =P (Sun, 12 June 2005)
So we decided to have a class party instead of going for that pathetic A-Levels Prom Night at Holiday Villa (which got cancelled due to poor response anyway). BBQ at Chow's Place, with almost everyone in our class present. Only Ms Ho and Ms Chan made it though..the other lecturers couldn't care less i figure haha. Guess everyone did enjoy themselves..we won’t be seeing each other much from now on. Thanks Chow for letting us wreak havoc at your place =P.
PS-i'll try to get some pictures from my friends...

..farewell, mah friends..
Sad though it is, we have to bid farewell to each other after some time. To all those i know, and all those who know me, this will most probably be the last goodbye we exchanged. I wish you all the best in life, and always remember that there's a friend right here waiting to hear from you, for as long as i breathe. Farewell everyone, and may we meet again..some day..

-3.49am, 15 June 2005-
I already miss you guys..haha..

so much time...nothing to do...

Sigh...still have bout 2 more hours to dinner. And i have nothing to do till then. Hmm..i should be studying you say? Well, there's nothing much left to study...and the hardest paper is a week away. Have plenty of time to study before then...right now i'm just getting tired of this exams. Bloody exams caused me to have only 4 hours of sleep for 2 days straight...

Went to visit Yih Seong at SJMC this afternoon. Me, Jem, Pat, Yong Chen, Anne, Chow and Denise walked all the way there from college juz to see him. We better get something from you for this Yih Seong haha =P. Kidding. He doesn't look too bad, juz seems tired. And he had to sit for Math 3 on the hospital bed this morning. Hope he gets good results for it..

It's been getting quiet back in 121D. Leong still hasn't come up yet and Ashok went back to JB last Sunday coz he got a 11-days break before his last paper. Yih Seong juz got admitted into SJMC yesterday. So that leaves only me, Yong Chen, Pat and Jem at home. It's been quite a while since all of us sat around the table making so much noise haha...gonna miss the time we had in Subang...sigh..

Oh btw Pat's birthday was last Thursday..we juz bought a cake for him. No 3-4 this time coz he juz woke up from sleep. Actually we wanted to buy the T7 he's dying to get his hands on (really! haha =P)...but we're bout RM1850 short haha. Apartment fund's running out of money anyway..we can't even afford the cake. Had to ask Yih Seong to pay for the cake first ^^"..Happy belated birthday Pat! =P

-6.32pm, 1 June 2005-